Behind a Sister's Shadow

[Laura]

no confetti for a birthday girl of thirteen
cake missing candles and barely burning
like her spirit,
it'll die with the smoke
and when it reaches the alarm
her cries will just dissipate into thin air
where the music overrides her

he said "you're just like me"
she hears through the walls of a sister
where the praise lies,
she's missing a graduation
as she flips through the pages
when will she come across a heroine
just like her?

no celebration for an honoured girl of nineteen
she can just hear him scraping the bottom of the wallet
no "congratulations" no "job well done"
just money for hands that worked so hard
to please him
and he did not see the pleasure
he could only feel her taking up space

and she's sorry she's here
and she cried at twenty, it was early morning
and she can still hear him say
"you're just like me" through the walls of a sister.

[thecrazybeautiful]

Interesting, for a spontaneous poem.

I like the idea, but honestly, it kinda confused me... It might just be my slowness today, I'm not sure.

[Laura]

Here's the back story if you're interested:

When I was growing up, I felt like my dad loved my brother and my sister more because they are so much like him and I'm not. He used to always praise that they were so good because they were good at what he was good at in school and I was only good in music and he didn't seem to care. Also, I got blamed for everything it seemed. I am the middle child so my sister is his first born and my brother is his "little man" so I get stuck with the "just here because" label it felt. When I say:

""you're just like me" through the walls of a sister. "

--it means I can hear him saying that to my sister as I listen through the walls, like I used to as an early teenager. The ages have significance too. At 13, my dad was barely around because he wanted to be with his girlfriend all the time who didn't live with us. At nineteen, I graduated college with honours but I didn't get much congratulations, except money of course because that's what my dad's all about. He thinks he can buy his way out of everything and if I'm the only person on this Earth who would rather hear "I'm proud of you" rather than get money ... then I guess the world is truly ending. And on my 20th birthday I did have a breakdown in the morning before work.

Yeah, well that's all I can say right now.

[thecrazybeautiful]

Ooh, that helps. I wasn't really getting the age changes.

It's most likely just the events of my day having an effect on my thinking.

[Absinthe]

I absolutely get what you are saying here. My relationship with my father has been quite similar to that all my life. I always felt as if he loved my sister more than he loved me. I would get in trouble all the time as a kid for things that she would do and of course, when I defended myself, I was just being a "little liar". My dad's the same way with money too. He thinks that he can buy his way out of showing me any sort of affection. The only feelings he ever shows toward me are anger and annoyance. I'm no more than the little scholar to make him look good.

Anyway, forgive the rant....what I'm trying to say is.....this was a great poem and I can really relate.