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Post by allmeheart on Mar 19, 2006 1:46:03 GMT -6
[glow=red,2,300]He told her to meet him At the theater in town To show up there As the sun was going down
He stayed late after work Completing a project of his own Compiling all the home videos Into the movie that was shown
They took seats together Sitting side by side But having her beside him Stripped away his pride
It started with a scene Of the play they'd starred in The part where they'd kissed His head started to spin
How could she do this, Do this to him? How did things turn out Looking so grim?
The film played on Slowly turning the reel Telling her exactly How she made him feel
But everything had changed When she had that affair That’s when he knew She didn't truly care
The last act slowly faded The one where he'd proposed The one where she had lied But now true emotions were exposed
Silently the final slide Began to appear Where in bright golden letters It spelled out her worst fear
As was shown on the screen She knew this was the end The perfect finale Telling her not to pretend
She looked at him As he quietly walked away With tears in her eyes She begged him to stay
He explained to her How things had to be She knew it would kill her But she had to agree
So they left the theater Both alone that day Yet their lives are still Better off this way
She lost her first love But she'll be okay She just has to remember The prices to pay
~Jessica~[/glow]
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Post by Laura on Mar 19, 2006 7:27:44 GMT -6
It was okay ... not my favourite by you. This stanza:
"The last act slowly faded The one where he'd proposed The one where she had lied But now true emotions were exposed"
--broke the flow. Some of the rhyme seemed forced, for example:
"How could she do this, Do this to him? How did things turn out Looking so grim?"
--I know rhyme creates effect but if it doesn't work, it takes away. I've noticed though that you do like to rhyme ... I guess all you can do is keep trying so eventually you can master it.
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Post by allmeheart on Mar 19, 2006 14:58:09 GMT -6
I don't just like to rhyme. I haven't been writing poetry or prose for quite a while and since I started back I decided to write mainly poetry that rhymes instead of my usual freeverse. So yeah, its not just that its my thing, I'm only trying something new. ~Jessica~
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