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Post by thecrazybeautiful on Mar 12, 2006 12:41:49 GMT -6
This isn't the one I've been working on lately. I just can't seem to get that one finished... But I wrote this one friday, after the game. You can really tell... Yes, this is the idea about love that a hockey game can give me...
My Victory
No advertisements, please.
I only want to know what my pixels look like on your scoreboard.
I wonder if we're really playing a game here, because I'm blindfolded, expected to win, playing by rules you haven't made yet. I'm scoring points, but I'm not sure how, and you seem to be enjoying my victory.
(This is the kind of game where you don't get a penalty for interference.)
I'm far from winning, but I've got no competition, and I'm sure you like the goals being made in your heart.
You're my mascot, my home state. Everything that would keep me going playing as my own team. Victories are for you, trophies and recognization. You're the only referee.
Please tell me I've won everything.
I'll place your heart with my most treasured trophies.
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Post by Laura on Mar 12, 2006 12:49:07 GMT -6
It was okay ... different but I'm still unsure of who the poem's writer is ... Some minor spelling errors here there but that's okay. I liked this part: " because I'm blindfolded, expected to win" --I just like how the words complimented each other here. " You're my mascot, my home state" --I thought this sounded like a nice gesture ... good job. It was an enjoyable read
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Post by thecrazybeautiful on Mar 12, 2006 12:57:37 GMT -6
Ahh, stupid spelling errors... I was typing kinda fast...
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stupidxgirl
A Devoted Distraction
So You Sailed Away...
Posts: 229
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Post by stupidxgirl on Mar 12, 2006 16:15:00 GMT -6
It's pretty good, not my favorite from you, but still it was nice to read. My favrotie lines were: because I'm blindfolded, expected to win, playing by rules you haven't made yet. That's a very interesting idea...and this one also: (This is the kind of game where you don't get a penalty for interference.) I liked the sound of it. IT was a different poem, but it hard charm. Well done
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Post by Sharon on Mar 12, 2007 18:20:44 GMT -6
That part stuck out for me - I really like the concept as if it's only their call that really matters - very interesting I think.
I'm not quite sure how I feel about how you ended this piece though - someone's heart as a trophy? meh, it's probably just my way of thinking but I wouldn't want my heart to be compared to as such.
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Post by Absinthe on Mar 16, 2007 15:50:17 GMT -6
Hmm, I'm not quite sure how I feel about this to be honest. But I did really like these lines:
"I only want to know what my pixels look like on your scoreboard."
......interesting concept. Nice job.
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