Love Like This *By: Bren*

[stupidxgirl]

You're amazing
and every see's it- so
crazy just so god damn
crazy, but my god,
my up in the clouds
sweet sugar coated god-
you're perfect.

I want to grab your hand
and make the world spin.
I want to feel higher then those
clouds I dreamt of walking on,
just make my feet leave this floor.

You're amazing,
so incredibly intoxicating-
and my knees have never
been this weak.
I'm so helpless and I'm falling
again and again
for those ever so perfect
draw me in and
remember me eyes.

I want to grab your heart
and keep it safe in me.
I want to feel happier then sin
and wrapped up in a softness like your's,
Because I never imagined love like this.

** This isn't very good. It's the first poem I have posted on here. I have been going through writers block a lot lately. So I hope someone will atleast enjoy this piece. -Bren- **

[Laura]

"You're amazing,
so incredibly intoxicating-
and my knees have never
been this weak"

--many could relate to this. Unfortunately, I can't really relate to this whole love thing oh well. One little thing:

"and every see's it- "

--wondering if this should be "everyone"? It was a nice read. Thanks for posting and coming on (I'm Pearl_Jammer from Kiwibox by the way).

[thecrazybeautiful]

Another kiwibox-er, woohoo!

"I want to grab your hand
and make the world spin."

Oh my gosh, I lovelovelove that. It puts such an image in my mind.

"I'm so helpless and I'm falling
again and again
for those ever so perfect
draw me in and
remember me eyes."

Very good description there.

All-in-all, it's a very good poem.

[allmeheart]

after the first stanze things picked up and ending up turning out rather good i think, the first stanza was a bit shaky though, i would work on that, but it wasnt bad by any means

[Only Me]

"and every see's it- so" It was probably already mentioned but I think you mean 'everyone' here... "higher then those" "happier then sin" I am being picky just for the sake of being picky but you know all of you love me for it "then" should be 'than' in both of these lines AND "like your's," there is no need for an apostrophe in yours I have been diagnosed with OCD and I was raised by an English professor, I was raised noticing things like this and though some may get irritated by it I just cannot help myself... it is sort of distracting for obsessive compulsive people like me when we are reading things and have to reread a sentence 3 or 4 times to figure out what they mean.
Great job though, this is an awesome piece. I especially liked "crazy just so god damn
crazy, but my god,
my up in the clouds
sweet sugar coated god-
you're perfect."