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Post by Laura on Jan 20, 2006 22:44:28 GMT -6
a/n: I just wrote this ...
A Stranger
if I could hold you if only for one moment I wonder what it'd feel like
and I can almost feel your presence here though I've never felt you I can feel you near
if I could love you if only for a moment I wonder if you would let me-
if I could have you with me inside this room would you be a stranger to me then?
and I can almost feel your presence here though I've never felt you - I can still feel you near
and I want to hold you.
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Post by Absinthe on Jan 20, 2006 22:49:59 GMT -6
[glow=black,2,300] "if I could hold you if only for one moment I wonder what it'd feel like"
.........I love the opening here. Great job.[/glow]
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Post by thecrazybeautiful on Jan 21, 2006 10:45:53 GMT -6
I like the opening to.
But my favorte part is
"and I can almost feel your presence here though I've never felt you - I can still feel you near
and I want to hold you."
It makes me shiver thinking about how much I relate to that...
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Post by Only Me on Jan 28, 2006 16:34:38 GMT -6
Its awesome, but all your work is so its no shocker... "though I've never felt you, I can still feel you near" good lines
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stupidxgirl
A Devoted Distraction
So You Sailed Away...
Posts: 229
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Post by stupidxgirl on Jan 29, 2006 22:47:40 GMT -6
I really like this, not to sound like a broken record, but this is my favortie part. "and I can almost feel your presence here though I've never felt you - I can still feel you near
and I want to hold you."
Beautiful words. And I can relate very much. Good job Bren
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Post by allmeheart on Feb 2, 2006 17:42:00 GMT -6
i liked it but im going to suggest revising this stanza: and I can almost feel your presence here though I've never felt you I can feel you near
the last two lines i felt repeated itself and took away from the meaning it was meant to have, so that would be my suggestion, my only one lol, nice work though
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elmarie
Contently A Distraction
Posts: 39
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Post by elmarie on Mar 15, 2006 21:58:00 GMT -6
i love it. It's sad, bittersweet. I can relate.
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