Titles Escape Me

[Absinthe]

Soul meets soul on lovers' lips,
Gripping passion, scraping nails
. . . along frenzied flesh.
Desperation - an accurate deception,
captured in the clanging of teeth
. . . a most bruising kiss.
Tongues tango for dominance,
feeling and battling, tasting
. . . tangy rememberances shuddering.

Soul meets soul on lovers' lips. . .



I don't think I like this. I'm not generally one for love poems. The mood just happened to strike as I was inspired by a fortune cookie stating "Soul meets soul on lovers' lips" So, yeah. . . Improvemnt tips?

[NotSoPerfect]

pseudojuliet said:

Desperation - an accurate deception

Yes! This line inspired by me!

I know what you mean, though. I see where you're going with it, but I read your explanation at the bottom before reading the poem. I think when I read the line that the poem is based on, it was one of those more philosophical, romantic vibes that I got and your poem is more... raw and physical, you know?

I like the poem without the first line. It needs something that fits the tone a little better I think. I also like the first line without the poem.

So yeah.

[thecrazybeautiful]

Yum, fortune cookies...

Anyways... What I enjoyed most about this was the way the words seemed to almost echo each other with assonance. Lips/flesh/kiss/dominance, they all sound so great so close to each other. The words just ring together and roll off the tongue.

[Sharon]

It's amazing how inspiring fortune cookies can be ;D

. . . a most bruising kiss.

This line really stood out to me - it's like indication that a kiss can be so strong, love can 'hit hard'.

[The Brutal Immortal]

wow... i like this... kinda hard to explain why, because, well, idk why... lol 9.5 out of 10