This Trance

[Stoic]

This one is a rather old one...
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Why would I want to break this trance?
All I want is a furtive glance.
A smile of yours is like the sun
Just like when the world was begun.
Your hair is like a new full moon
Which glistens on a spotless dune
Of freshly fallen virgin snow.
Oh, how I would like to know…
Thee better.

And a single sight of your face
Shows that there’s such a thing as grace,
For there is none upon this plane
Since your beauty does never wane.
Nay, ever does it grow stronger.
How can I hesitate any longer!
To tell you how my soul does feel
Or how my heart does ever reel…
From not telling.

If only I were bold to tell
You how my heart does ever well.
When ever you do pass me by
My soul does ever give a sigh.
So I shall watch you from afar
Like one who views a distant star,
Or like a man who views a rose
And sits to watch how its beauty grows...
Forever.

[NotSoPerfect]

This was a very romantic piece. It was very wistful and written in an almost Shakespearean tone, which was great. I think the rhymes were awfully forced, though, and that kind of cut against the feeling you were trying to get it. Rhyming is very difficult to do properly, and while I think you put forth a good try, it needs a little editing in that department to really WORK.

[Cullen]

i have to say, very good, i recognized exactly what you were feeling because well it works. I totally forgot who wrote this until after i read it and it keeps surprising me how poetic you keep proving to be, of course that is why i told you about this place. Anyway very good the rhymes didnt seem that forced only slightly but one has to force a rhyme to have one doesn't one