Lady Penguin
Wishes To Be A Distraction
I'm a poet and I know it!
Posts: 21
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Post by Lady Penguin on Mar 11, 2007 12:43:48 GMT -6
Catch Me
As days go by I stop to think, Would you ever give me a wink? I ponder for hours why I would care, All the time wishing you were there.
I still can’t help but to grin, When you try and try to win, And I still can’t help but cry, As some of my chances slip by,
I want to tell you how I feel, I want you to know my love is real, I’m afraid to tell you, afraid to ask, Clueless you are while in fear I bask,
When I see you my head feels light, When I hear you my heart feels fright, I want to hold your hand, to give you a rose, You’re the only reason my blood still flows,
I’ve finally decided, I finally know, That this is love, I’m sure it’s so, I could never be happier, yes, this is true, All I wish is to be caught, when I fall in love with you
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Post by Absinthe on Mar 16, 2007 16:07:23 GMT -6
In this, you talk about how happy you are and how in love, but you know what? I can't tell! There is no emotion, no spark, no personality behind these lines. They are lifeless words on a computer screen, that's it.
You've got more in you. You have emotions, you feel, you bleed, you cry, you love. Now put that on the page. Make your letters bleed and blend with your tears. Make the words dance with happines or droop in sorrow. Right now, there's nothing to this. Its boring, its meaningless. It could be so much more.
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Post by Sharon on May 29, 2007 21:36:51 GMT -6
Absinthe's response pretty much covers this one. You've got potential - keep trying to go beyond your comfort zone in your writing, don't be afraid to take a different approach, a different style - it will definitely help you grow as a writer.
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