Riding The Wind

[jtalago]

So here is something with a little less rhyming.

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We're two leaves
Riding the wind
High above the clouds
Looking down

We see the ground
And what got us here
And staring into you
I know what brought us here

Now we're parting
The wind changing
And I'm sinking

I don’t' want to leave you
But can't keep you
I want to call your name
But can't hold you

I don't know if
What got us here
Will get us back

If when the winds have changed
When we both fall
We'll find similar ground

And if we are so lucky
And the wind so kind
Will our shapes have changed?

[Absinthe]

I like this. It's good. I especially like those last three lines.....it was a great way to end. The only thing that bugged me in this was this:

"We see the ground
And what got us here
And staring into you
I know what brought us here"

...I dont know. The repetition of here disrupts, I think. Later on you repeat the word 'you' in alternating lines, but that one worked well....it fit. Here, it just sounds redundant.

Either way, it was good. Nice job.

[Sharon]

It's a concept that has been done before but it's always interesting to see I think - individuals being compared to leaves. i suppose that really is what life is like... as if we were all just leaves from a tree during autumn and simply going where the wind takes us.

This piece was really cool.