She Takes My Time

[stupidxgirl]

a/n: I haven't written inna long time, so this is my attempt LoL!

If I smiled like her would it mean more
or less or just make things difficult?
I want to hear you scream to me
what you are whispering to her
because maybe then I might
believe in it, and you might
believe in me.

I want to know what it feels like to feel
your love meshed with my ocean
creating waves taller than both
of us put together.

But it's like you don't see me,
like you'll never see me-
because her eyes are staring at you
through the corners of mine and it
darkens my shine-
And she takes my time

[again]...

If I talked like her would it be sweet
or harsh or just repulsive for you?
I want to taste your words
like I am the only one who know's
they exist in your mind
and I'm the only one who will ever
taste their sugar coated mess.

I want to know what it feels like to fall
into your passion and get twisted up
in hanging from your lips
like they were the first I ever kissed.

But it's like you don't see me
like you'll never see me-
because your memories are always
of her and who she used to be
-with you-

And she takes my time.

[This time, like every time-]

[QueenPaige4]

that was really good...i liked it..it reminds me of everything..so well written

[thecrazybeautiful]

"because her eyes are staring at you
through the corners of mine and it
darkens my shine-
And she takes my time "

I like the rhyme going on there.

"I want to taste your words
like I am the only one who know's
they exist in your mind"

That's a cool idea.

"because your memories are always
of her and who she used to be
-with you-

And she takes my time."

I feel like I'm in a situation close to this. The dude is trying to get over his ex-girlfriend, and he's acting like I'm not a pretty, nice, and honest person. Well, ok he does act like I'm pretty and nice and honest, but it's like he's basing his decision of me off of some girl who hurt him. Yeah, I'm rambling, but I think part of what makes me like this piece it being able to relate in a way.

[Absinthe]

"because her eyes are staring at you
through the corners of mine and it
darkens my shine-
And she takes my time "


......I really liked that part best. The rhyme is understated - great. I especially like the phrase:

"darkens my shine"

That spoke volumes to me, almost more meaningful in itself than the poem as a whole. Other than that section, nothing really jumped out at me, but it was a pleasant read. Nice job.