Only Eventually

[Laura]

the telephone is calling me
asking me to pick it up and press my fingers into the seven digits I need to get through to

if only I had more of a self-esteem to guide me
if only I had more of a smile to give than just this

my body can't move, it needs time away from home
all the atmosphere around me has sunk into my pores and it makes me dull and down
need the time away to regain my own air
breathe a little more than just usual, same, and safe
need to move around more

the stillness is scary across the shaded lake
I see a boat in the distance calling me
asking me to pick up the oars and force my arms to take me far from shore

if only I had more of a reason to leave
if only I had more of a skeleton who would not accept this patience

I say eventually, I know the time can take me there
I say eventually, wonder if my mind is thinking while my mouth runs off

the directions are impossible to follow,
I'm starting to fall apart
half way from home to a better place
go another half way and I'll finish what I started.

the telephone is calling me
asking me to pick it up and press my fingers into the seven digits I need to get through to

if only I had more of a stronger hand to force it
if only I had more.

[thecrazybeautiful]

"if only I had more of a smile to give than just this"

Yesterday some friends of mine were telling me I smile too much, but I was thinking that I didn't smile enough around them. So maybe I like that line because it kinda relates to me.

"if only I had more of a stronger hand to force it
if only I had more."

I'm starting to think that that's gotta be one of the best endings on a poem I've read. It's not complex, but it's interesting and it just sums it up really well.

[stupidxgirl]

This totally reminds me of me right now...

"if only I had more of a self-esteem to guide me
if only I had more of a smile to give than just this"

This sums it up for me, self-esteem, I wish I had a little bit more of that myself. You did an awesome job as usual. I love the ending. "If only I had more" That's the story of my life . Sorry! I'm rambling, but like I said, great job doll, I love it.

[Absinthe]

I liked this as a whole, but it's not a favorite for me. There are other things you've written that I like much more. This is still good, though. I especially liked this part:

"the stillness is scary across the shaded lake
I see a boat in the distance calling me
asking me to pick up the oars and force my arms to take me far from shore"

......I like the imagery here. It kind of made me picture myself, floating along with no specific direction, all these different forces begging me to go one way or another. That's probably not what was intended, but that's what I took from it. I suppose its my way of relating it to myself...whatever...I'm babbling now. Anyway, this is good.

There was just one part that I really didn't like:

"if only I had more of a self-esteem to guide me
if only I had more of a smile to give than just this'

- I don't know. It's just something about the wording here that doesn't flow well for me. Not sure how to fix it without losing anythign though. Ah, well.....my reading may be off for all I know. Anyway, overall, this is a good piece.


**EDIT**

You know what, forget what I said about those two lines. I reread them again and they sound just fine. I don't know. First reading, they sounded off, but I've changed my mind....they work fine.