Disco Lights.

[stupidxgirl]

a/n: Okay, well this didn't turn out like I thought it would, in fact I actually had no clue where I even wanted to go with this at the start but I'm sure this isn't it LoL. It's written about me and my boy friend, our first real hang out spot was the bowling alley on Friday's where they have Glow Bowling...Hense the disco lights and the over played pop songs LoL. It's a very true story, and talks about very real emotions. I know it's not the greatest toward the end really, but I like it. I may have repeated things a little too much in it though...Blah.


I soaked up your sound
and your glow that night
in the cheap disco colored lights
and the overly played mainstream pop tunes
blaring from the overhead speakers.

And we danced like fools
and sang so loud our voices went weak.
The lyrics were wrong
but in our little world everything was right
so why ruin our hope.

I took in your touch
and radiated your truth
in the smoky crowded room
where all I saw was you, even me,
and the fire between our glances.

And I smiled like I meant it
and you held me like you needed to believe in me.
The motives were right
and in our own little world everything was clear,
despite the fogged up view.

I soaked up your sound
and your glow
in our disco colored self induced comas
and the melodic surrender to the pop culture tunes
made us dance like fools.

But in our little world,
we were the only ones around
to laugh at.

[Laura]

"I soaked up your sound
and your glow that night
in the cheap disco colored lights
and the overly played mainstream pop tunes
blaring from the overhead speakers"

--a good "draw you in" beginning. Disco Lights is one of my favourite songs by Emm Gryner but that's just a side note!

"And we danced like fools
and sang so loud our voices went weak"

--reminds me of the concerts ... where you feel close to the fans you don't even know.

"I took in your touch
and radiated your truth
in the smoky crowded room"

--this was beautiful. I loved it. At first read I thought "touch" was "torch" but it wasn't. Both ways it would have worked. I mean, now that I think of it ... torch would be a perfect word if you were talking about sparks or fire between the two of you. It may need to be used in a future poem, heh. The ending of that stanza though:

"where all I saw was you, even me,
and the fire between our glances."

--I don't get the "even me" ... maybe I'm missing something?

"and in our own little world everything was clear,
despite the fogged up view."

--I like the image here.

The ending does feel like it needs work ... a little short or choppy for the rest of the poem. It's just the very last line in my opinion, actually. The repetition of "in our little world..." is good for the ending too. I'm not sure what you can do with it ... maybe just leave it the way it is if you like it like that.

[thecrazybeautiful]

"and the fire between our glances.

And I smiled like I meant it"

I really like that first line there, and well, the second just makes me sing Smile Like You Mean It, and makes me think about how that's like the only 'The Killer's' song I like. Heh.

I like the whole feel of this one. I looked at the title and right away went "Ooh, disco lights, this ought to be good." And it was, really. The only thing that gets me is that is seems too short. It feels like there's more to it... Maybe.

[Samccaleb]

I like the feel of the poem. I get good imagery from it. Good job all in all.

[Sharon]

that was an honest poem very straight foward. hadn't you put the introduction before it i would have guessed that it was about someone you really cared about and that you're basically reminising. good job.

[QueenPaige4]

i agree with everyone on this poem but i do have some insights..i believe that when some poems dont come out the way we want them to just so happen to be the ones we like the most...good job it was really good reminds me of everything

[Absinthe]

"I soaked up your sound
and your glow
in our disco colored self induced comas
and the melodic surrender to the pop culture tunes
made us dance like fools"

I really liked that stanza.....it reminds me of moments spent in complete surrender - where you just let everything go, stop thinking, leave behind inhibitions, and just live in the moment. This whole poem had that spur of the moment, true life, raw, honest freeze frame in time feel to it. Great job.

[jtalago]

I really liked "you help me like you needed to believe in me"....very descriptive and deep.

[Absinthe]

I just read this again and a different part jumped out at me this time:

"The lyrics were wrong
but in our little world everything was right
so why ruin our hope."

.......That part jumped out this time. I dont know why, it just did. Anyway, as I already said, I really like this poem.