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Leap
Mar 7, 2009 2:25:47 GMT -6
Post by XoXo_Branden_XoXo on Mar 7, 2009 2:25:47 GMT -6
One chooses to take a leap, Knowing the risk they are making. Falling to the unknown, Is the gamble worth taking? If my chances were a hundred to one, im willing to see it through. because if im truly lucky, it will lead me to the real you. But you have to be willing to let me in, today, tomorrow and thereafter. or like a story with no ending, then it really doesn't matter. Im willing to try, but i need you with me. It takes two for this to work, so please open your eyes and see. I will take the leap, I will take the fall. But only if youll catch me, Then we can have it all.
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Leap
Mar 7, 2009 23:45:00 GMT -6
Post by fightingirishman on Mar 7, 2009 23:45:00 GMT -6
Cool idea you're working with. I'd change the opening from "one" to "I", just so you really just into it. But if you want to keep "one", "they" should be "one" as well.
It also doesn't seem like you've maximized its emotional appeal. Raise the stakes a bit. Make it a little more hopeful or a little more hopeless...
Good job and welcome back!
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