xsavemex
Wishes To Be A Distraction
Posts: 8
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Crushed
Apr 29, 2006 17:07:37 GMT -6
Post by xsavemex on Apr 29, 2006 17:07:37 GMT -6
You are with me wherever I go and though you're unaware, I am with you too... How could you forget everything we had? All the feelings we shared? And now I am invisible to you, nothing makes sense anymore, I gave you my soul, but now it is crushed under the moon we both say good-night to. Forever I am hurting, and nothing seems to matter as much anymore. I am tortured, longing for the past Longing for something that you couldn't hold. Though I am a wreck, you have no compassion, and right now I do not want to care. But I do.
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Crushed
Apr 30, 2006 18:17:21 GMT -6
Post by Laura on Apr 30, 2006 18:17:21 GMT -6
"under the moon we both say good-night to"
--I like the idea behind this line. It has this subtle sweetness to it and a longing ... kind of beautiful like it should be sung on a piano in a song. Again, a little cliché but it's hard to stray from that with these types of poems. Broken love is extremely hard to write, I feel. Even if it is personal ... it's hard to make it sound original.
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Crushed
May 1, 2006 15:46:28 GMT -6
Post by thecrazybeautiful on May 1, 2006 15:46:28 GMT -6
I agree with Laura about that line. I really like it. And I think-
"and right now I do not want to care. But I do"
would be a really good idea to build upon. It's one of those situations where you're stuck in the middle of everything... I go through things like that alot...
Not bad.
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