stupidxgirl
A Devoted Distraction
So You Sailed Away...
Posts: 229
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Post by stupidxgirl on Feb 4, 2006 5:41:29 GMT -6
a/n: I worked really hard on this, I guess it could use more or less or something in the middle LoL. But I just needed to make it work. The first stanza came quickly, and I liked it more then I thought I would. The rest was a challenge for sure, but I didn't wanna give up on it. I haven't slept in about 22 hours, so there is certainly bound to be mistakes I will later correct. But please, let me know what you think. This will probably be my last post for a couple of weeks also. Thank you <3
I need you. Whether our skin slips in the heat And my arms hold scars, With muddy hand prints. Take away my highs. And lows - and in betweens- Just for you. A funeral for my once apon a time escapes. Will be in your eyes.
And I need you. to take my ambitions And run them to the ground, and press them on the next girl that crosses the road without looking first. And falls -face first- into your jagged migraine hangovers and aftershock heart attacks.
Because feeling down isn't enough, and breaking limbs isn't enough- when I'm falling down your spiral staircase of glittery needles and blood transfusions.
Because feeling betrayed isn't right and feeling helpless isn't good enough when your still trickling down my spine when my body hits the sheets you spread your skin over so many times before.
I need you, whether your hands mesh with mine this time. And my backfire fires off too soon. I need you to Take my highs. My lows my in betweens- Because I can't feel for you like I did then.
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Post by Laura on Feb 4, 2006 12:55:48 GMT -6
" Take my highs. My lows my in betweens- Because I can't feel for you like I did then." --I like the idea of taking away the highs and lows ... this ending though feels like you're saying take it all away and let's start anew, I like it. This is a great piece. " With muddy hand prints" --love this line. " A funeral for my once upon a time escapes." --this image is breath taking. " next girl that crosses the road without looking first. And falls -face first- into your jagged migraine hangovers and aftershock heart attacks" --excellent choice of words. " when I'm falling down your spiral staircase of glittery needles and blood transfusions" --superb. I really enjoyed it ... no need to improve.
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Post by thecrazybeautiful on Feb 5, 2006 12:19:43 GMT -6
"I need you, whether your hands mesh with mine this time. And my backfire fires off too soon. I need you to Take my highs. My lows my in betweens- Because I can't feel for you like I did then."
Wow. I really like that.
Very good poem.
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