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Post by QueenPaige4 on Jan 6, 2006 19:46:29 GMT -6
Well this piece is really personal but i am sharing it with you guys because i want to get feed back and i think it is a decent piece.Take this token because you deserve it For you have picked it apart The many pieces of my heart surround the floor Just like all your pictures that covered my walls Until you waved goodbye I tore them all down I ripped them apart just like what you did to my heart And all the tears you wasted weren't enough for me to forgive you So take this token for our friendship that we had the words we said Every little thing that went through your head All the notes I wrote All the feelings I felt for you All the words I said that I meant Just take away this token and burn it I don't want to see it again.
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Post by Laura on Jan 11, 2006 18:29:00 GMT -6
Just a few errors: teared should be tore and felling should be feeling, I'm guessing.
Ah yes, the wonderful broken heart poem. Most of us have been here ... it's aggravating, I know. I enjoyed reading this. I most enjoyed:
"the words we said Every little thing that went through your head"
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Post by QueenPaige4 on Jan 14, 2006 8:04:28 GMT -6
thank you so much...uh...just a couple of typos.. thanks for catching them..
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Post by Sharon on Jan 15, 2006 19:57:25 GMT -6
very nice! i would have to say this is one of your better pieces. great job.
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Post by QueenPaige4 on Jan 15, 2006 23:30:32 GMT -6
thank you so much sharon i loveyou guys you guys are the best
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Post by Only Me on Jan 19, 2006 0:17:47 GMT -6
I like this piece, however I feel like the ending is missing something, like it ends too abruptly.? I don't know. great work thought.
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Post by QueenPaige4 on Jan 20, 2006 16:36:23 GMT -6
I like this piece, however I feel like the ending is missing something, like it ends too abruptly.? I don't know. great work thought. Well it was suppose to end that way because thats the way i intended it to end. but thanks
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Post by Only Me on Jan 28, 2006 16:28:16 GMT -6
well, if thats the way u meant it then... its great. After rereading it... it does work to end it abruptly like that.
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Post by Absinthe on Jan 29, 2006 21:35:46 GMT -6
[glow=black,2,300] Not bad at all. I liked this part best:
'And all the tears you wasted weren't enough for me to forgive you So take this token "
......Nice job.[/glow]
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Post by allmeheart on Feb 2, 2006 17:39:56 GMT -6
first of all i love the way you set up your poems, the layout always looks neat, clean yet poetic in a sense all its own, so props on that, now to the poem review lol, i loved it, the beginning was a wonderful start and the ending was even better, the lines in between completed everything, summing it up into a captivating piece
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Post by QueenPaige4 on Feb 3, 2006 15:37:56 GMT -6
thank you all so much. uh...well...I don't know what else to say but thank you and that everything you guys tell me helps me become a better poet. so..uh...*blanks* Uh.....*thinks* i really don't know what to say but that im surprised that a lot of people that read my poems say that they are good and it is quite surprising.
thanks again
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Post by xxrebel86xx on Feb 7, 2006 16:05:56 GMT -6
paige you are such an awesome poet....i lovethis poem!
<3jen
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Post by Only Me on Feb 9, 2006 1:32:41 GMT -6
... we often are our own worst critics... you are an awesome poet and whether or not we like your poetry is dependant on whether or not YOU like your poetry and obviously you like it enough to post it which means that subconciously you do believe in yourself... ( I am studying to become a psychologist and I just realized how 'psychological' that sounded) but it is so true...
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Post by QueenPaige4 on Feb 10, 2006 15:26:59 GMT -6
thank you so much and you are so right
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