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Post by Laura on Jan 21, 2006 13:38:41 GMT -6
a/n: here's my attempt at rhyme (I know I've rhymed in the past but usually it's not on purpose)
February Morning
Evidence, you bring me to my knees every time there's a problem you never rescue me and you're supposed to be my friend the one I run to when life's about to end
but you just smile at me and say:
"I never made you this way"
it always begins like this a February morning with no last night kiss my cheek resting upon his lying lips his hand stuck like honey to my hips
who can save me from this?
it's not a beginning, I know a love undying, impossible feelings that die to show it's aching after Tuesday sex it's loving but never love I get
and it could be a mystery floating between his mind and my vulnerability my eyes focused yet still unable to see just a February morning, dry and unclean
and he still smiles when he stares at me
you just smile and say
"I never made you this way"
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Post by Only Me on Jan 28, 2006 16:44:40 GMT -6
"it always begins like this a February morning with no last night kiss my cheek resting upon his lying lips his hand stuck like honey to my hips" That is some powerful imagery! Good job... "I never made you this way" I love how you repeat this line
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stupidxgirl
A Devoted Distraction
So You Sailed Away...
Posts: 229
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Post by stupidxgirl on Jan 29, 2006 23:14:54 GMT -6
I really liked this. I normally don't like poems that rhyme. But this one was very emotional, and had excellent wording. "it always begins like this a February morning with no last night kiss my cheek resting upon his lying lips his hand stuck like honey to my hips who can save me from this?" That was by far my favorite part Wonderful job dear. Bren
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Post by allmeheart on Feb 2, 2006 17:44:07 GMT -6
your attempt at rhyming certainly paid off that was a wonderful piece, i have no suggestions for it, just keep up the good work, thats all i ask, i love reading your works, lol you've got a fan
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