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Post by Laura on Dec 25, 2005 22:05:59 GMT -6
a/n: needs work. I know.
Forgiveness
what do her hands feel like against your skin? I know my bass licked tips aren't comfortable on your scales of a spine but it's human I fidget all night when you're gone why do I think about trust and love and forgiveness in me when you had none when I became a part of your routine I realized and I cried to think I was a weight heaving your guitar case
what does her breath do to your skin? I know mine is rough from the yelling but it can be beautiful if you feel it right
I always fidget when you're not around why do I think about trust and love and forgiveness in me when you had none
why do I think of you and me and us if there is none -
if there is no us, why are you still running back to me?
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Post by Carissa Marie on Dec 28, 2005 22:43:25 GMT -6
"I know my bass licked tips aren't comfortable on your scales of a spine but it's human"
This is raw, its emotional... I hurt just by reading it. Something seems to be off though. I mean, don't ask me what, I haven't an idea. And somehow I think this is what you wanted. A sense of emptiness and something unfinished. Nice job.
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Post by Only Me on Jan 19, 2006 0:52:15 GMT -6
great work! I think my favorite line is the ending. "if there is no us, why are you still running back to me?" holds soo much meaning to me...
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Post by allmeheart on Feb 2, 2006 16:34:51 GMT -6
idk, it was a good poem but it just didnt seem to strike my interest for some reason, not really sure why, it sounded like one of your other poems too, that one i loved, idk what it was about this one that turned me off, but your still that amazing writer
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