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Post by Absinthe on Nov 23, 2006 23:56:16 GMT -6
*Needed to write....haven't been able to in a while. This is what came out.*
I smell roses, the purfume I wore for you such a passion . . .lost hearts seeping out pores opened wide
dandelions dance like you used to such great moves . . .rehearsed trying to impress failing miserably
red roses like blood pooling on pavement . . . staining so hard to erase a piece of you to stay
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Post by thecrazybeautiful on Nov 24, 2006 8:46:42 GMT -6
I like these parts a lot-
"I smell roses, the purfume I wore for you"
and
"dandelions dance like you used to"
This is one of my favorites of yours. It fits together pretty well. I thought the last two lines were worded kinda weird, but I still like it overall.
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Post by QueenPaige4 on Nov 25, 2006 13:21:53 GMT -6
"so hard to erase a piece of you to stay" These lines are my absolute favorite. "just like blood pooling on pavement" Those lines flow so well.
Overall this poem was very well written. I think this is byfar the best poem i've read of yours. Well it is my favorite one so far. Keep Writing I enjoy your work
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Post by Laura on Nov 26, 2006 13:40:43 GMT -6
"so hard to erase a piece of you to stay"
--I like these lines because they are a different way of saying a feeling such as this. This was good overall ... I'm really not a fan of the line "roses are red" ... it just seems so icky and cheesy. That's the only line I'd change.
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grifter
A Devoted Distraction
Posts: 135
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Post by grifter on Dec 9, 2006 0:51:28 GMT -6
i like the "dandelions dance", and the use of the word seeping interesting read
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