jtalago
Contently A Distraction
Posts: 46
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Post by jtalago on Apr 26, 2006 23:15:35 GMT -6
Just a rough draft, haven't said everything I want to or in the right way. Please let me know what you think.
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Passing Time
Time can stand still if it wants Time can run away from us all I don’t care if it does I’m learning how to love
The sky can stay gray for a month As I lighten my love I don’t mind if it does I’m remembering life as it was
Caring about time as it’s passed Has become something of the past All I care is that it stays The way it has for days
So a smile can be just a smile And a laugh just the same As I learn in conformity To live untamed
To know the person you are And the person you yearn Are closer than far Takes time to learn
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Post by Laura on Apr 30, 2006 18:14:11 GMT -6
"Time can stand still if it wants Time can run away from us all I don’t care if it does I’m learning how to love"
--I think "all" at the end of the second line can be removed, I think it would sound better ... but personal opinion.
"The sky can stay gray for a month"
--I really like this line.
Although this has some really strong lines and feelings, I thought it was overall a little weak. It doesn't seem concrete enough for me. But you do have some great lines!
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Post by thecrazybeautiful on May 1, 2006 16:22:41 GMT -6
"The sky can stay gray for a month As I lighten my love I don’t mind if it does I’m remembering life as it was" That was probably my favorite part. I like the idea of the sky being gray but still being happy anyway... Hey that rhymed... "Caring about time as it’s passed Has become something of the past" Very interesting, I thought. I'm the type of person who always worries about time, and the past. I really hate it, and should just live in the moment, but it's hard for me. Eh, not bad
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jtalago
Contently A Distraction
Posts: 46
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Post by jtalago on May 3, 2006 14:15:37 GMT -6
Thanks for the comments. I def. need to put more work into it.
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