sunset in spring

[grifter]

sunset in spring

a petal's reminiscent resonance wanes wistfully
my irises listen listlessly to a languid bramble
enervating even in the ease of evening

shallow shoalsofshudderingshadows
are swallowing my swaying sweetbriars
blotting life in limpid coolness
clottingshadycolors in my retinas

a cloudy cowl draped darkly
dares to drain my dangerous daises
depleting my deadly dandelions
reducing my ravenous roses

[Laura]

I want your vocabulary, I really do.

"enervating even in the ease of evening"

--this gave me a chill.

"shallow shoalsofshudderingshadows
are swallowing my swaying sweetbriars"

--slips off my tongue so nicely, I love the way it sounds.

[thecrazybeautiful]

More alliteration-ness!

"a cloudy cowl draped darkly
dares to drain my dangerous daises"

Mention of daises just sparks something in me.

I also like how it's got mention of eyes, and how they see this with

"my irises listen listlessly to a languid bramble"

and

"clottingshadycolors in my retinas"

[allmeheart]

I see you have a thing for spring, interesting piece you've written. I'm not that good with alliteration, mine always seems awkward. I'd like to be able to write with alliteration because as you can see, it adds a nice touch. The image I got in my mind was of a poem I once wrote about a lake...... sure you don't know what I'm talking about but I thought I'd mention it anyways. Nicely done! ~Jessica~