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Post by The Sightless Dreamer on Mar 11, 2006 10:13:09 GMT -6
Can you feel the wind blowing blowing through your hair? Can you feel the the sea In between your toes?
Can you imagine a world a world with only love? A world with no hate or pain could you ever imagine?
Could there ever be a cure For a thing as bad as hate No, there never could be Why? Because then the world'd be perfect
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Post by Laura on Mar 11, 2006 11:31:50 GMT -6
"Can you feel the the sea"
--I'm assuming the second "the" is a typo ...?
"Can you imagine a world a world with only love? A world with no hate or pain could you ever imagine?"
--I can't imagine it because I find it would be dull. We need pain to grow. We need pain to live. We need balance. I'm just putting in my answer here, heh.
"Why? Because then the world'd be perfect "
--consider revising this ... I thought it broke the rhythm and the "world'd" ... I'm unsure of what that's suppose to mean. I don't like questions thrown in either, like the "why?" ... it might not be necessary ... I'm unsure.
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Post by Sharon on Mar 14, 2006 11:19:30 GMT -6
i like it, but i think you could add a little bit more to it. the "world'd" part kind of threw off the flow of the poem i think.
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