cultural rebirth

[nimue]

first of all this is a warning that this is the first thing i've written in exactly 3 years. i also have a hard time making a rhyming scheme natural so i don't write poetry so much as i rattle off imagery. so bear with me. any constructive comments/criticisms are welcomed and encouraged. personally i wish i had the range to be able to have a rhyming scheme. i also wish there weren't so many enjambments.

The spirit released from the shell, along
running streams through mossy roots and up
wizened trunks it eagerly does travel.
Past pheonix leaves powdery wings delight
in silvery beams.
Phenomena divided in stages of three.
The crones and destroyers are not sinister.
In dense and clouded depths purity takes root.
Witness to the creation and symbol to the sacred.
As celestial fields waken vibrant petals
succumb as to a siren's song.
Dewy yawning to delight in golden beams.
One precedes the other.

[Laura]

"Witness to the creation and symbol to the sacred.
As celestial fields waken vibrant petals"

--I really liked your choice of words. It made it sound like older poetry.

"siren's song"

--I love this way of saying it.

"Dewy yawning to delight in golden beams.
One precedes the other"

--I really liked the ending. Although, in truth, I'm unsure of exactly what you're trying to say here, I thought it was nice. Different from what I've seen on this site.

[nimue]

thank you very much.

the poem itself is about two symbols of rebirth. or at least one is widely recognized as a symbol of rebirth and the other is my own inference. in celtic paganism the idea of animism is used and certain sects see the spirit in everything(trees, rocks, streams, etc)as a fairy or other creature. once one dies, they become a fairy. so that is what the first stanza is talking about. next, in hinduism and celtic paganism there seems to be a common multiple of three(maiden, mother crone; creator, preserver, destroyer; etc). the crone and destroyer(shiva) are usually seen as sinister to those who aren't acquainted with the idea. the ending "one precedes the other" is to say that to create things must be refreshed. that job is fulfilled by the crone and shiva. you can also compare this idea with the cycle of life which is why i chose to blend the symbols of rebirth with this larger scale cycle.
the last portion is talking about the lotus that closes and descends below water while the sun sets and when it rises it ascends and opens.

[Only Me]

I guess I really didn't understand it, when I read it. but the explanation helps. I guess its just one of those things that require a knowledge of the subject before hand...

[thecrazybeautiful]

Hmm, I never saw this poem on here...

So many words in this give it a spring day kind of feel to it, which I do like. Poems about nature really interest me.

"As celestial fields waken vibrant petals
succumb as to a siren's song."

I really like that part.

[grifter]

you have a grasp on rhythm, good word choice, try some revising and see if you get anything you like