xxdarkxangelxx
Contently A Distraction
Love me for who I am not who I've become
Posts: 30
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Post by xxdarkxangelxx on Nov 6, 2005 21:24:10 GMT -6
The tears that bleed from my eyes
The love lost with not staying the same
The same tired words said again
The happiness gone since I can't remember
The feeling of failure coming upon me
The people and friends I lost in a process
The memories I lose myself in
The words that cannot be spoken
The people who take away my pain
The hopes being crushed
The finding that they were all lies
The screaming in my mind
and
These things that will never be heard are all the things unknown to others. But to me it's what I live with every day.
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Post by Sharon on Nov 15, 2005 17:27:05 GMT -6
[glow=purple,2,300]I found myself rereading this line. Something about it seems not to flow that well for me. Perhaps you would consider rewording it, maybe something like... "love lost with inevitable change" [/glow]
[glow=purple,2,300]I liked that line.
Thanks for sharing this with us Dark Angel. With a little use of punctuation and perhaps a little rewording here and there this piece can have a bigger impact.[/glow]
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Post by Absinthe on Nov 15, 2005 17:28:57 GMT -6
[glow=black,2,300] I think this piece definitely has potential, but I would agree with Sharon that it needs a tad bit of editing. Nice job though. I'm glad you posted. [/glow]
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