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Post by Laura on Oct 26, 2005 18:31:07 GMT -6
a/n: I'm unsure where to categorize this but I chose here because it kind of has to do with life in general.
Just Dance
i'm unravelling spinning crookedly on a vintage record player waiting to be pinched with that needle waiting to hear my song.
why do i feel violent in the calmest storm? the winds have taken me to places where i can dance shoeless and feetless where my legs never bend just dance.
i'm sadness evaporating through foglit windows seeping through air; someone's air it is to breathe will i be breathed in too?
why don't i feel beauty in the most ugliest of ages? rippling on dirty waves against a silver riverside it used to flow me towards shorelines where i could sing vocalless and mouthless where my voice never speaks just sings.
i'm stunning and i'm nothing more than loving the situation i'm in dreaming of dancing in a never ending song.
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Post by Absinthe on Oct 27, 2005 18:21:15 GMT -6
[glow=black,2,300] This was fantastic. I just have one minor quibble.....
"the most ugliest of ages?"
grammatically, that should be either "most ugly" or "ugliest". Other than that, this was a great piece.
"i'm stunning and i'm nothing more than loving the situation i'm in dreaming of dancing in a never ending song. "
That was the perfect ending. Great job.[/glow]
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Post by Laura on Oct 27, 2005 18:23:34 GMT -6
Yeah, it may not be right but I like the way it sounds the way I wrote it. Thanks though
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Post by Only Me on Oct 29, 2005 13:21:57 GMT -6
I like it because it sounds like you are serious about it... like grammar doesn't matter you are trying to make your point, its not just the ugliest, it is the most ugliest... I like it. poetry allows us to be grammatically incorrect at times because it is us expressing our feelings in any way that we feel fits. great work... as always
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