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Post by QueenPaige4 on Oct 25, 2005 19:53:36 GMT -6
I'm looking out the window And I'm noticing that the sun is deep within the clouds It must be gloomy or depressed This world is breaking apart It's falling apart with every breath it takes The sun wishes that it didn't have to rise It's ashamed of giving light to the earth Because look at what's happening Why is this happening? Turn on the news, Another death in LA A little girl that doesn't know what love is What happiness is, she was only 4 years old And the bastard who killed her should be put away forever Oh no, another death in New York A teenage girl around the age of 15 She was always fine around school It wasn't a homicide, it was a suicide She must have hated her life Why is this happening to the world? Why now, Why today? Now it's turning nighttime, the sun is setting and the moon is rising. "It's over with" The moons sighs heavily and he whispers "No it's just the beginning"
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Post by Only Me on Oct 29, 2005 13:26:14 GMT -6
good point... "The moons sighs heavily and he whispers "No it's just the beginning" " I love the ending here... nice work!
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Post by QueenPaige4 on Oct 29, 2005 18:25:57 GMT -6
Thanks so much
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Post by Laura on Jan 26, 2006 17:27:18 GMT -6
" And the bastard who killed her should be put away forever Oh no," --I didn't find this to fit well with the poem. However, this was possibly my favourite from you. I really enjoyed this: " A little girl that doesn't know what love is" " It wasn't a homicide, it was a suicide She must have hated her life" and " The sun wishes that it didn't have to rise It's ashamed of giving light" --were all really well written. The extra part of the last line I quote I found unnecessary. I personally think it would sound better without it and just ending with "light". Good job
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Post by QueenPaige4 on Jan 27, 2006 13:18:46 GMT -6
thanks
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