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Post by QueenPaige4 on Aug 25, 2005 10:52:17 GMT -6
I'm looking at the many pictures of you Missing you the way I do but you don't notice the tears and you surely don't care I'm standing here in front of you Tears on my face, blood dripping down my wrist, a bloody knife in my hand, and my heart on the floor I bend down to pick up the broken pieces of my bloody broken heart You just point and laugh Like it is some side show Like I'm entertaining And I just wish you'd disappear forever I wish you could feel all the pain you've made me feel these past few months I still have feelings for you but they are turning into friendship feelings, slowly of course Everything is moving slowly but the days and months They are just moving so fast like me through the healing process.
This one isn't as good as my other ones. I think so anyway. But I would like some feedback. Thanks
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Post by Sharon on Aug 26, 2005 21:11:58 GMT -6
[glow=purple,2,300]that part stuck out for me. there is nothing "bad" about this piece but i guess we all can be very critical of our own works. [/glow]
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Post by QueenPaige4 on Aug 28, 2005 7:27:30 GMT -6
thanks so much sharon
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Post by Samccaleb on Oct 7, 2005 21:06:40 GMT -6
This is really good. I like the emotion behind it. Good job...keep writing.
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Post by Only Me on Oct 9, 2005 1:00:59 GMT -6
"I bend down to pick up the broken pieces of my bloody broken heart" reminds me of a song.... give me a few and i will think of it... anyways great work! i love it...
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Post by Laura on Dec 19, 2005 18:27:59 GMT -6
"Tears on my face, blood dripping down my wrist, a bloody knife in my hand, and my heart on the floor "
--I found this too long of a line, breaking the flow of the poem.
"you've made me feel these past few months I still have feelings for you but they are turning into friendship feelings, slowly of course"
--I don't really understand this part. I mean, you're talking about breaking and rusted hearts but friendship feelings ... it makes it unclear and off the original topic.
It wasn't badly written, just giving my insight. I know how it feels when people put pain on you. My back is broken now from carrying it all.
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Post by QueenPaige4 on Jan 5, 2006 15:34:26 GMT -6
well this poem is a little hard for me to explain because you kind of have to know what i've been through before i wrote this piece. truthfully this really isn't one of my good pieces i have better and my writing is still changing...so they could get better and i could edit this piece
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