Call the Sandman

[Sharon]

The other day I wrote a list of all the things I want (material-wise as well as the non-materialistic stuff) ...on there I wrote that I want to get into my old hobbies again ...and yes, poetry used to be one of those. It's been FOREVER it seems since I've written anything, but I know the only way I can get back to it ...is to start somewhere - anywhere.

So... I wrote this one last night ...could be better I know but that's why I'm posting it - to get some feedback, to see what works, or could work, or can't work lol please tell me

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Call the Sandman

It gets a little more complicated
when you stop and think.
As thoughts are running
you're slowing losing grip
of the little sanity you have left.
Little secrets are kept.
Promises wait to be broken.
Dreams stay with the sandman.
Wanting more control but caring way too much-
it all burns to the touch and you're forced to stay distant
for getting too close is dangerous.
To reveal the hidden would be disastrous.
Stay with the sandman, he will keep you safe.
At least that's what you hear them say
those voices in your head even you can't hear
never made sense yet they've always controlled you
every aspect of every thought that consumes you
the sandman will make it ok.
Follow him, he knows the way.

[nina]

Wow, that's great Sharon! You should keep this up and write more and more and more! You should keep a journal with this type of stuff. So, does the Sandman symbolize a dream that someone wants to reach?

[Isabela]

I think the sandman is more like a safe place. Like in your dreams, it can be a place to escape, to conjure things that bring you joy. Usually the sandman is the one that takes you there, so he leads you to comfort and joy. Or at least that's what I think it means. Not so much stress or chaos, you know?

[Sharon]

nina said:

Wow, that's great Sharon! You should keep this up and write more and more and more! You should keep a journal with this type of stuff. So, does the Sandman symbolize a dream that someone wants to reach?

It could mean that yes ;D Thanks, I'll try to keep writing - I've got too many journals/notebooks/diaries - trouble is I can never keep up with them.

toko said:

I think the sandman is more like a safe place. Like in your dreams, it can be a place to escape, to conjure things that bring you joy. Usually the sandman is the one that takes you there, so he leads you to comfort and joy. Or at least that's what I think it means. Not so much stress or chaos, you know?

This is exactly what I had in mind when I wrote this. Spot on!

[Isabela]

Ahh good, it's what I though when I read it. I like the whole idea you had, with sandman taking you to the dream world.

[The Brutal Immortal]

a little different, there were some spots that didnt flow exactly right, and i can see how the sandman symbolizes peace, he leads you to the sacred realm of sleep, where peace and tranquility rules... i like it, but it could do a little improving... its better than my first out of a writers block, lol 8.4

[sharonslover]

Hi!

I thought it was interesting Sharon, it was very different from that which you usually would write!! That already makes it pretty cool but i had a hard time reading it cause it seemed like it didn't have a rhythm to it. I liked it though I think that if you played with it some more it would go up on your wall of masterpieces!!! ;D

[Sharon]

toko said:

Ahh good, it's what I though when I read it. I like the whole idea you had, with sandman taking you to the dream world.

Thanks - you know... sometimes the Sandman really doesn't want to answer when you call lol He can be a pretty mean guy leaving wanna be dreamers behind

sonofemo said:

a little different, there were some spots that didnt flow exactly right, and i can see how the sandman symbolizes peace, he leads you to the sacred realm of sleep, where peace and tranquility rules... i like it, but it could do a little improving... its better than my first out of a writers block, lol 8.4

Thank you! Would you be able to tell me specifically which parts didn't flow right so I can take note of what I need to do?

sharonslover said:

Hi!

I thought it was interesting Sharon, it was very different from that which you usually would write!! That already makes it pretty cool but i had a hard time reading it cause it seemed like it didn't have a rhythm to it. I liked it though I think that if you played with it some more it would go up on your wall of masterpieces!!! ;D

lol um... thanks! You know, I wish you'd go here more often instead of waiting until I have you at "gun point"!

Rhythm... I seem to have lost the concept of that to be honest. Is it the lack of consistency with each line?