My Friends Are Enemies

[thecrazybeautiful]

Let's watch Ophelia
go down in the water,
drown in the water,

while we sing along with her.

Maybe we'll feel fresh
like the flower
(or the child,
the innocent little girl)
tossed by the hands of
Frankenstein.

I wonder if Ophelia feels
refreshed, or young,
or surrounded.
Her clothes just weigh her down,
it's amazing her voice gets out.

You can be the one
to tell those gravediggers
to kiss her hands before
they cover her up.
Remind them that she
was fit for a king.

My pal Frankenstein
killed my poor Ophelia.
Picked her up, and threw her
to her death.
(her very lyrical death)

But they both thought
she could float.

[Laura]

"Let's watch Ophelia
go down in the water,
drown in the water"

--first feel is dark, like something PJ Harvey would sing. Then it got a little lighter, kind of sad. This:

"Her clothes just weigh her down,
it's amazing her voice gets out."

--is awesome.

"But they both thought
she could float. "

--and the tie up at the end is fantastic. You did a really good job with this one ;D

[stupidxgirl]

I fuckin loved this! It has ta be one of my favorite by you actually

"Her clothes just weigh her down,
it's amazing her voice gets out."

That's wickedly good. I agree with Laura it started out sounding darker then got into a sad kind of mix. I liked that.

"You can be the one
to tell those gravediggers
to kiss her hands before
they cover her up.
Remind them that she
was fit for a king."

This part stuck out to me aswell, awesome job.

And one more LoL:

"Picked her up, and threw her
to her death.
(her very lyrical death)

But they both thought
she could float. "

That was a great way to end this, it sounded simple but still made a big impact to me. Like I said, I love this one. Great job

[Only Me]

I think I liked the beginning
"Let's watch Ophelia
go down in the water,
drown in the water,

while we sing along with her"

the best, it started you out on just the right foot to understand the rest of the poem.


"like the flower
(or the child,
the innocent little girl)"
this part seemed a little choppy to me, I had to reread to understand what exactly you were trying to do with that. Maybe take it out of the parentheses?
It almost seems like it could be a song itself, thats the flow I got from it.
Great work!