Acid Rain From Iron Eyes

[Carissa Marie]

Well, I haven't written anything new lately, and unfortunately I'm really braindead right now. I'm also dying to post something of mine on here, so here is one that I wrote a while back. Sweetpearl, you may have seen this already.

Acid Rain From Iron Eyes

He came to me with his feet bare—
Specks of sand between toes on noble feet
That had seen the Seven Wonders—
Love
Hate
Peace
War
Life
Death
LOSS
Holes in armor (weathered)
Broken by overuse (battle) and bloodstained—
Corroded by the stinging salt of acidic tears
That too often rained from iron eyes.

He whispered to me of the hurt he felt
In an aching, haunting silence
That took a feather to my spine.
And I held the man that was meant to come and save me…
I held the shivering body—the body once strong and unbreakable
That was meant to carry me away…
I kissed his wounds and draped his body across the back of my noble steed,
And I—
The one who always dreamed of being rescued by a knight in shining armor,
Settled for Prince Charming--
And in a golden sunset,
With him rode away.

[Laura]

It seems familiar but I'm not sure. Ack!

"Holes in armor (weathered)
Broken by overuse (battle) and bloodstained—
Corroded by the stinging salt of acidic tears
That too often rained from iron eyes.

He whispered to me of the hurt he felt
In an aching, haunting silence
That took a feather to my spine."

--for the first four lines I quoted, this is just really well written and put together. I love the brackets. For the second three liner I quoted, I love this. Oh my god I might say! There is that word: spine. I love it

Really well done. I know it's hard having trouble writing but when you have pieces like this under your belt, it's all good ;D

[Absinthe]

[glow=black,2,300] Oh, I love this. The imagery is great and it's unique in a classic sort of way if that makes any sense at all.


"And I—
The one who always dreamed of being rescued by a knight in shining armor,
Settled for Prince Charming"


.......................I'd have to say that is my favorite part. Great job, I am anxious to see more from you. [/glow]

[Only Me]

I love how you painted the picture so well I could see the scene playing before me... the concept is amazing...