"The Final Battle" -sorry its kinda long

[allmeheart]

“The Final Battle”<br>
A popularity contest won
The champion an outcast
Abnormal events were occurring
Could this be the end of the world?
Could it be the beginning?
All things strange
All things odd
Yet, justice prevails
Every wrong made right
Each villain transformed into a hero
Good outweighing bad
But only does the battle continue
Between heaven and hell
Angels vs. Demons
Left the conquer
The weaker of the two
An explosion sounded
In the minds of young children
And their sanity was lost
Inside them the war failed to cease
Tearing them apart
Just as had been intended
Disaster w/in the people
Peace should have come instead
No amount of logic could sort this
Mythical gods and goddesses made their appearance
Proving them a reality
Dividing, they took sides
Constellations came to life
Another galaxy emerged
From the depths of a black hole
Growing tired and weary
The heavenly beings weakened
Hope and faith lost
Souls of the followers
Turned numb
Those once innocent
Became demonic
Torture and wickedness
These words described humans now
Of young and of old
Yes, the end of the world HAD come
It tolerated no mercy
Nor sympathy
Rigid cracks filled the Earth
An unseen force
Was to destroy the planet
All existence would fade
Until nothing remained
But emptiness and evil
The time had come
Each assumption
Proven faulty
The homeless religious man
Understood everything
And, had been correct
His signs had spoken truth
No one had believed him
And now they would suffer
If only they would have listened
If only they would have believed
Days later, seeming to humanity as years
The final battle ended
Neither side had won completely
The good conquered the world entirely
But evil had risen in the hearts of the youth
In the hearts of the elderly
And they decided the world’s fate

~Jessica~ sorry it was so long ppl

[Sharon]

The homeless religious man
Understood everything
And, had been correct
His signs had spoken truth
No one had believed him
And now they would suffer

[glow=purple,2,300]this line got me thinking. i mean, i've thought about it before, people who are homeless living their days in the parks and any where they aren't shooed away from, do they choose to stay where they are? most people are afraid of interacting with the homeless yet most of the time the homeless keep to themselves.

i really like the messege you've got behind this poem. my suggestion for "The Final Battle" is... use punctuation, don't be afraid to use them. divide the words some how so you won't lose your readers half way through the poem. it may be long but you can make it not seem that way by emphasizing on certain points by using punctuations.[/glow]

[303e]

Wow, near perfect. I think it was/ is really good. Could go far, down in the history books! Or some sort of thing millions of people will read. I'm not really into judging spelling and what have you. Just a great poem you have written. Perfect! Keep up the marvelous work! *claps* you will get far with poems like this.

[Only Me]

a word for you. Never apologize for your work. If people don't like it, they don't have to read it. If you say its long then the reader will go into it thinking its long... get my drift?
"A popularity contest won
The champion an outcast"
The very beginning of this was amazingly simple yet to the point and I loved it.

[thecrazybeautiful]

"Disaster w/in the people"

Ah, I don't really like the 'w/in' I like it when they're spelled out.

"Constellations came to life
Another galaxy emerged"

I really liked those lines.

I kinda got lost in the middle of this and had to read it over. It's like when you're reading a page of a book and everytime you try to read on to a new line you just read the same one over and over again. I'm not saying that you're idea repeated itself, but that I seriously did keep coming back to the same lines over and over. The story it told wasn't bad, actually kinda interesting.