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Post by Absinthe on Aug 7, 2005 10:47:30 GMT -6
*This one hit me last night. I woke up from a dream I dont remember and had to write this down.
Don't back down.
Don't stop, don't ever stop, smiling, laughing, acting like everything's okay.
Don't fall apart.
Don't show, don't ever show the tears, the agony, the need to just be okay.
Don't give up.
Don't deny, don't ever deny, your strength, your courage, the ability to be okay.
Don't back down.
Don't fall apart.
Don't give up.
Stop pretending.
Show the pain.
Quit denying.
And rise again.
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Post by QueenPaige4 on Aug 7, 2005 19:22:28 GMT -6
Wow that was really good
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Post by Absinthe on Aug 9, 2005 12:22:19 GMT -6
Thank you
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Post by allmeheart on Aug 20, 2005 14:29:04 GMT -6
seemed choppy but not in a bad way, idk how to explain it, seemed like a style of writing to me, nice work
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Post by Absinthe on Aug 31, 2005 23:50:22 GMT -6
[glow=black,2,300]Actually, the "choppy-ness" of it was done on purpose...I wanted it to have kind of a stacato speaking beat to it. It adds a bit, I think. Thanks for the comments. [/glow]
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Post by Laura on Jan 22, 2006 20:10:44 GMT -6
The ending was really good. This:
"don't ever show the tears, the agony, the need to just be okay."
--now the message of "don't ever show the need to just be okay" is good; however, the part where you say don't show the tears ... shouldn't you show them since you say:
"Show the pain."
--I still liked it and the message.
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Post by Only Me on May 9, 2006 15:00:46 GMT -6
i liked the "choppy-ness" it worked. I could put the words out there and it was like ach thought was its own but they all seemed to come together...
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