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Post by The Brutal Immortal on Sept 11, 2007 20:02:00 GMT -6
A roaring inferno- A searing heat- A blazing pain- A blinding light...
The fire roars- Within and without, My body is a shell, Being carved into ash...
The flames are a beast, Trying to tear out- But I keep it in- And keep it hidden...
Now it is strong- Too strong for my body, Soon it will escape- And write death upon the land...
To destroy the demon, I must douse the fire- I must extinguish this flame, That burns eternal within...
I must end the pains, The sorrows, the lies- They strengthen the beast, And make him thirst...
When he thirsts, He drinks in pains, Just like the ones falling, From hearts broken and bleeding...
When his thirst is quenched, The real mayhem begins: He desires his food, And then his hunt begins...
He feeds on the blood, That falls from midnight skies- Like lies in a heart, Or murders in the dark...
But be warned: The beast is within, It is the fire in your heart, He is the gleam in your eyes...
He lurks within us all, Feeds on our darkest secrets, Burns us from within, While keeping us alive...
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Post by Sharon on Oct 5, 2007 7:47:50 GMT -6
I think this part has a hint of an inspiring tone to it. Don't see that enough. Great job The only thing I would change is the red glow - I think it may be a bit distracting to the reader, at least it kind of was for me.
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Post by The Brutal Immortal on Oct 7, 2007 20:00:18 GMT -6
kk, thanks, i liek this one, i was bored one day durin activity schedule at school, and i had that first stanza in my head for weeks, so i put it down, and started workin with it, and within 15 minutes i had that, lol i had a couple friends and my english teacher edit it, then after them i changed a bit, thats the finished copy of it, im glad you liek it, if the red glow is botherin you, ill get rid of it
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Post by Sharon on Oct 11, 2007 6:45:58 GMT -6
much better! thanks Yeah I know what that's like, to have a particular message or stanza in your head and just finally writing it down and letting your thoughts flow and form on paper. It feels great too once you see it all down and you can just say - yeah.. I made that.
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Post by The Brutal Immortal on Oct 11, 2007 15:53:54 GMT -6
yea, it feels good, i submited it to a in school poetry contest, it took second, but idc, the one that won first was beast, it deserved to win
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nomad
Contently A Distraction
Posts: 48
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Post by nomad on Dec 31, 2021 19:02:50 GMT -6
The darkness of the human heart Gives birth to a demon inside Can you douse the fire with fire?
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