Dream upon a wave of darkness

[Absinthe]

Dream upon a wave of darkness,
Wake upon a beam of light.
Hope that your infinite slumber
will take you from this harsh night

Walk away from the living
Say a few words for the damned.
Try and stop yourself giving
the sweet mercy of your hand.

Strip your man of his armor
and send him down on his knees.
Tell him that he is a goner
unless he begs for it, "Please. . ."

Dream upon a wave of darkness
Stare into a beam of light
Hope that your eternal slumber
ends with the breaking of night.


Eh....I don't know. This was another piece for Creative Writing. The poem had to have an ABAB rhyme scheme, which I hate, but whatever. What do you think?

[sharonslover]

i like it

"Walk away from the living
Say a few words for the damned.
Try and stop yourself giving
the sweet mercy of your hand"

especially that part just wondering if it had to be that length because of your class our you just didnt want to make it that long

[Laura]

"Strip your man of his armor
and send him down on his knees"

--I really liked these lines ... just stripping someone, especially a man, of their strength ... I love it. The second half of that stanza though:

"Tell him that he is a goner
unless he begs for it, "Please. . .""

--the last line could be reworked ... I don't know how though. It just seemed you shoved that in to make it rhyme. Not much you can do when it's a piece where you were asked to do the ABAB scheme.

Interesting nonetheless

[thecrazybeautiful]

"Try and stop yourself giving
the sweet mercy of your hand.

Strip your man of his armor
and send him down on his knees"

I liked that.

It's gotten hard to write rhyming poems...