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Post by jigglytuffy on Apr 7, 2006 12:06:06 GMT -6
On a dark, quiet night A young girl writes a poem She eagerly awaits to share it with the world And realizes that no one will listen
However she tells people about this poem And they choose to ignore it She gives them a warning and shakes her head But they'd rather just critique it
True to her word she sees the sign Of what her poem said "Read this now and you be warned" To not end up dead
The people who'd rather ignore her work Are now no longer living Her poem was a warning sign Now don't you want to listen?
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Post by fightingirishman on Apr 7, 2006 12:28:44 GMT -6
I liked that. Just making sure you know I read it, haha.
Anyway, it was short and sweet, and conveys the message well. Nicely done.
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Post by Laura on Apr 7, 2006 14:26:45 GMT -6
It's an interesting concept but I think it could be written better. You say the people ignore the poem but then later state they just want to critique it ... confusion?? There seemed to be too much rambling on ... where there should be effect there is none and where it isn't needed, it's there. I'm unsure of how to comment exactly but it's okay, definitely has potential.
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Post by thecrazybeautiful on Apr 7, 2006 14:39:08 GMT -6
Kinda creepy...
But I did read it!
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Post by jigglytuffy on Apr 12, 2006 21:43:01 GMT -6
It's an interesting concept but I think it could be written better. You say the people ignore the poem but then later state they just want to critique it ... confusion?? There seemed to be too much rambling on ... where there should be effect there is none and where it isn't needed, it's there. I'm unsure of how to comment exactly but it's okay, definitely has potential. Thanks for reading it....I guess....
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Post by Absinthe on Apr 16, 2006 13:24:47 GMT -6
I agree that the premise is quite interesting and it does have the potential to be a great macabre piece.
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