jest
A Dedicated Distraction
Playin' Tha Ol' Gitter
Posts: 95
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Post by jest on Mar 25, 2006 16:22:05 GMT -6
Might aswell make my first poem posted here my favorite I've done.
Silent, His clients lie. Silent, Within a coffin
His work holds the dead His guilt holds his head From mother to son Their sorrow live on
Lying within He lies to rest His final coffin He lies to rest.
Silent He makes his coffin Silent He cllimbs in
Slowly he shuts the lid Slowly he waits to die Sufficating, the air is gone. His sorrow will live on
Lying within He lies to rest His final coffin He lies to rest.
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Post by Laura on Mar 26, 2006 18:58:42 GMT -6
I don't like the repetition of "rest" in these stanzas:
"Lying within He lies to rest His final coffin He lies to rest."
--but the rest was well done and I liked the idea. The two first lines draw you in. "Clients" is a great word to use here. I also like:
"His guilt holds his head"
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Post by thecrazybeautiful on Apr 1, 2006 14:26:17 GMT -6
Hehe, when I first looked at the title I thought it said "Coffee Maker" so I was like "What?"
Well. You're the first person I've known to write about this topic, and it turned out pretty good. I like
"Silent, His clients lie. Silent, Within a coffin"
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