Trickle,Trickle

[sagsdragonlvr]

Trickle, Trickle

Trickle,trickle, trickle
Goes the blood from my head
From the gun I snapped off
From all the depression and anger building deeper

While my love for someone disappears
I become hollow to where no emotion
Can ever run through my veins ever again

Trickle, trickle, trickle
Goes the rain at my burial
But as I look no one's there
No one of real concern...
The friends who said they'd be there b.s.
And the people that say they loved you complete fakes
They never cared for crap!

Trickle,trickle, trickle
Goes my tears for being so lonely
When my soul is stuck between worlds
Never able to cross over
For the unforgiven things I or people have done to me in my lifetime

[stupidxgirl]

It sounds unfinished, maybe that's just how my mind was reading it though. I can certainly relate to these feelings, but I think that's really the only reason I continued to read it. I'm not trying to be mean but it just didn't draw me in is all.

[sagsdragonlvr]

u never know i might have another part for it....that might just be the beginning of something that hasnt been resolved like the poem is giving away

[QueenPaige4]

wow.... i like it...it seems unfinished but thats the way you wanted it i can tell

[thecrazybeautiful]

I agree, it seems unfinished. It kinda reminds me of some of the things I used to write... Not saying it's a bad thing, but... I dunno.

[Laura]

"Goes the blood from my head
From the gun I snapped off"

--good image.

"The friends who said they'd be there b.s."

--I don't really like the "bs" here. It doesn't seem to work.

This seemed like it would be better as a rhyming poem.

"For the unforgiven things I or people have done to me in my lifetime"

--the ending line is way too long. It just doesn't fit. It was hard to get a rhythm for this.