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slowly
Jan 29, 2006 15:43:10 GMT -6
Post by tearsofhatred0715 on Jan 29, 2006 15:43:10 GMT -6
this is a poem for those who know me, they know who the beauty is they know who my lust is for and who my love is for
~forever yours tom
slowly my mind falls slowly my eyes grow dark my mind is on fire my heart is a blaze
i dont know why i dont know who i dont know if i can fight this fight i dont know why life is like it is
my heart is dead my mind is numb my body falls into the abyss my love is forever
my lust is too i will always be true at least i hope that is so my eyes have never seen anything so beautiful
but it has never hurt me so much to be away from something that is mine i have it but cant touch it its so close yet so far away
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slowly
Jan 29, 2006 15:46:07 GMT -6
Post by Laura on Jan 29, 2006 15:46:07 GMT -6
" i dont know why life is like it is" --confusing line. Is it supposed to be written that way or is it supposed to mean something more along the lines of "I don't know why life is like this"? " my eyes have never seen anything so beautiful" --sweet line but hard to believe when you hear it said to yourself. Not bad, keep at it
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slowly
Jan 29, 2006 15:52:11 GMT -6
Post by allmeheart on Jan 29, 2006 15:52:11 GMT -6
I liked it, and I'm pretty sure I know the meaning behind this lol, I think that one part didn't match the rest all that well, the part where two lines rhymed, the rest of it didnt rhyme so if u were looking for suggestion on how to improve it, theres mine lol other than that, lovely, lol nice job tom ~Jessica~
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