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Post by QueenPaige4 on Jan 6, 2006 19:54:20 GMT -6
I look at my wrist The image of a gash bleeding forms I shake my head, I try to think of something else Nothing works The image suddenly becomes real As I see a gir, a girl with red hair Walkng, she's walking to get a razor, to get the razor from the bathroom This girl, she's not me and she won't No, she won't stop Won't stop till she reaches her, her destiny and she slides down Down to the floor in, in the corner of the bathroom and the door closes It closes by itself, a miracle, she whispers Something wonderful She drags the razor accross her wrist and she watches, watches it bleed eternally until her, her veins run dry the image of a girl, o teenage girl with red hair and green eyes dead, She's dead, gone forever The girl, she's, she's covered in her own blood Why does this all add up to suicide? The image becomes blurry and soon it disappears perhaps forever i hope so anyway
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Post by Laura on Jan 11, 2006 18:26:21 GMT -6
You have some good lines ... I just am not a fan of the topics. It's not like I don't like dark poetry ... I do, it's just cutting seems to be so overused. However, this wasn't badly written. Lines such as:
"This girl, she's not me and she won't No, she won't stop Won't stop till she reaches her, her destiny and she slides down Down to the floor in,"
and
"The girl, she's, she's covered "
--you use repetition well.
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Post by QueenPaige4 on Jan 14, 2006 8:06:36 GMT -6
thank you so much...yes i do agree that cutting is overused
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Post by Absinthe on Jan 17, 2006 5:45:25 GMT -6
[glow=black,2,300] I liked this. I agree with both of you that the topic of cutting is so overused recently....it has suddenly become the fad of sorts to be "emo" and to cut yourself or at least write about it. However, sometimes the topic can be heartfelt and well written and I think that is the case here. Great job. [/glow]
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Post by QueenPaige4 on Jan 17, 2006 14:34:00 GMT -6
thank you so much absinthe
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