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[QueenPaige4]

finally something to do
something to write
while all these stupid thoughts run through my head
yeah this is just me alone
because nothing is the same
while everyone walks away
the music blazes and the trees sway
my mom died
while everyone cried
she got hit by a car
it was a hit and run
does anyone care
is anyone out there that will do the right thing?
why doesn't everyone do the right thing
all i do is cry and cry alone in my selfless room
when the lights go out
i'll just fall asleep
and have another stupid dream about my moms killer
whoever did this will pay
they let her die
would you?
i know i wouldn't let someone die like that
i'd call 911 as soon as possible
because thats the right thing
the wrong thing would be running away
but thats why they are called criminals
criminals?
i don't know any
but i do know that they are out there
somewhere
but it doesn't matter because they won't confess
they are just selfish and could careless
about the people they hurt

[thecrazybeautiful]

I really get what you're trying to say here, but it seemed more like you were talking about it in a silly way. I know you didn't do it on purpose, but it just came across that way.

[QueenPaige4]

well i can get what you are saying about it being put in a silly way...i get it...but anyway...thanks for your feedback.... it means a lot to me

[Laura]

"my mom died
while everyone cried"

and then you say:

"does anyone care"

--I'm sure you mean the criminals, do they care, and we obviously know they don't, but here it's unclear and makes it seem strange.

"and have another stupid dream about my moms killer
whoever did this will pay
they let her die
would you?
i know i wouldn't let someone die like that
i'd call 911 as soon as possible
because thats the right thing
the wrong thing would be running away
but thats why they are called criminals
criminals?
i don't know any"

--this sort of conversation with yourself is a little weird. I'm not sure I like how it's all worded out.

"but it doesn't matter because they won't confess
they are just selfish and could careless
about the people they hurt"

--the ending, however, is good. I understand this.

[QueenPaige4]

Well this poem came out of boredum..and i liked this poem because well it was just randomness