jtalago
Contently A Distraction
Posts: 46
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Post by jtalago on Dec 14, 2005 1:18:08 GMT -6
Rough draft....any suggestions? I know its short, but I want it to be left hanging. Clear or unclear in meaning?
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I am the general
Of the unknown army
Guns fire silently
Cannons preserve the earth
Wounds not seen
Lives lost only we remember
I carry history on my shoulders
Alone
I charge ahead
As if everyone watches
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Post by Laura on Dec 14, 2005 15:54:01 GMT -6
It seems unfinished to me. The ending just seemed to drift away but I wanted to say something more but nothing was there. Heh, I know you said it was rough and you wanted it to leave the reader hanging but ... just my thoughts there.
It's not my favourite by you but it's okay. I'm kind of unsure what to think of it, actually. I'll get back to you.
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jtalago
Contently A Distraction
Posts: 46
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Post by jtalago on Dec 14, 2005 18:04:17 GMT -6
Thanks for the comments. It is rough...but it is describing suffering in silence and the battle to keep on trying. It's the guts without the glory.
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Post by NotSoPerfect on Dec 14, 2005 22:33:02 GMT -6
word... i got it. it was good.
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Post by Carissa Marie on Jan 17, 2006 22:55:39 GMT -6
I agree with Sweetpearl... it seems unfinished. However, I loved this line:
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