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Nothing
May 25, 2006 2:38:53 GMT -6
Post by Samccaleb on May 25, 2006 2:38:53 GMT -6
Nothing
Desolate thoughts For a desolate place Nothing in all its vastness Stretches forever in front of me And always behind me There are no stars No warming sun Only nothingness And my single consciousness To give the name nothing To this nothingness I am alone in the nothing Forever doomed to experience nothing at all I can feel my sanity slipping already Even though the torture has just begun I know nothing I see nothing I say nothing Nothing takes hold of my non-corporeal body And I still feel its presence I lose myself in nothing I am nothing
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Nothing
May 29, 2006 17:58:26 GMT -6
Post by thecrazybeautiful on May 29, 2006 17:58:26 GMT -6
Ok, I know this poem was about the 'nothing' but you used the word alot. Maybe it would be nicer if there were less 'nothings.'
"Nothing in all its vastness Stretches forever in front of me"
That's not bad right there.
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Nothing
May 30, 2006 1:39:14 GMT -6
Post by Samccaleb on May 30, 2006 1:39:14 GMT -6
I could have done that, but the I really wanted all those 'nothings' in there. It makes the poem have a pointless feel, which was the point
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Nothing
Jun 9, 2006 11:30:41 GMT -6
Post by Laura on Jun 9, 2006 11:30:41 GMT -6
"Desolate thoughts For a desolate place Nothing in all its vastness Stretches forever in front of me"
--the repeat of desolate works here and I like it. However, the repetition of nothing in this particular spot:
"Only nothingness And my single consciousness To give the name nothing To this nothingness I am alone in the nothing Forever doomed to experience nothing at all"
--was just way too many. It broke the feeling and it made it feel like I was reading the same thing over and over again. What you think may be effective can be a downfall to a poem.
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stupidxgirl
A Devoted Distraction
So You Sailed Away...
Posts: 229
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Nothing
Jun 9, 2006 11:39:12 GMT -6
Post by stupidxgirl on Jun 9, 2006 11:39:12 GMT -6
Uhm, the idea of "nothingness" is certainly an interesting one, and I understand where you're coming from saying it gave it a pointless feel like you wanted it to have. One line stuck out to me more then anything and that was : "And my single consciousness" I liked how it just falls from your thoughts, it's a smoothe but powerful line really. Nice job
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