BRÓKÉÑ MÁÑ
Wishes To Be A Distraction
What dream will ever be achieved if you don't believe in yourself?
Posts: 11
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Post by BRÓKÉÑ MÁÑ on Nov 13, 2005 15:03:38 GMT -6
A shell of emptiness is all that's left, Of a man who once stood so proud, So strong in this world he once was, Now fallen and beaten down in a misery, A shame is all he is to be,
Trying to move on and start over, But so much torment he can not forget, So much hurt weighing him down again, Some tell him to move on and pretend, But my heart still holds on so strong, To all the pain, all the wrongs,
I see myself slowly fading away, From this existence of misery everyday, But I don't have the strength to end it this way, So all the misery and all the shame, Is who I accept I am to be
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Post by Laura on Nov 17, 2005 17:20:25 GMT -6
"So all the misery and all the shame, Is who I except I am to be"
--do you me accept? If so, I like this but if not, I don't understand it. It's most likely supposed to be accept.
I really liked the beginning:
"A shell of emptiness is all that's left, Of a man who once stood so proud"
--surely many can relate to this.
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BRÓKÉÑ MÁÑ
Wishes To Be A Distraction
What dream will ever be achieved if you don't believe in yourself?
Posts: 11
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Post by BRÓKÉÑ MÁÑ on Nov 17, 2005 17:41:41 GMT -6
Thank you sweetpearl for your comments. I did change it to accept. I wasn't exactly an english major lol Yes I make a lot of wording, spelling etc... mistakes, so thanks for the comments and for the helpful corrections
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Post by Laura on Nov 17, 2005 17:45:19 GMT -6
I don't normally bug people on spelling ... I personally find it annoying because usually it was a harmful typing error but when it's a different word, it may confuse so I thought you may want to know.
People keep calling me sweetpearl, which is fine, but you can call me by my real name, Laura, (I like that better, it feels more direct) which is on my signature for anyone who doesn't know.
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BRÓKÉÑ MÁÑ
Wishes To Be A Distraction
What dream will ever be achieved if you don't believe in yourself?
Posts: 11
|
Post by BRÓKÉÑ MÁÑ on Nov 17, 2005 17:51:51 GMT -6
Well Laura it is very nice to meet you. My name is Mike. I don't mind the corrections like that. Possitive feedback, and helpful suggestions is part of what this site is for. One for all of us to have a place to release, and meet some new people to chat with. Two for us all to grow as writers. So again, thank you for your comments.
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Post by Only Me on Nov 28, 2005 15:52:05 GMT -6
lol... i try not to rag on spelling ... but sometimes it interferes with my ability to read the poetry... like if letters are mixed, I know it is a simple typo, but it serves the purpose of fixing an error to help people out with things they may not have noticed themselves... anyways... "So much hurt weighing him down again, Some tell him to move on and pretend" I love those lines... relate? no, it is my life... I don't know how many times people have told me to move on with my life when I'm just not ready to... when I am over my pain and agony I will move on... but until then bug the hell off of me... and you move on...
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