BRÓKÉÑ MÁÑ
Wishes To Be A Distraction
What dream will ever be achieved if you don't believe in yourself?
Posts: 11
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Post by BRÓKÉÑ MÁÑ on Nov 11, 2005 23:27:17 GMT -6
PRETENDER
HOW TO BREATHE HOW TO MOVE SO WEAK I CAN’T SEE ALL THE SHAME OF WHO I'M TO BE A PRETENDER THAT ALLS ALRIGHT WITH ME NO ONE TO TALK TO NO ONE TO HELP THE FEELINGS JUST SIT AND BUILD UP IS THIS REALLY THE BIG PLAN FOR ME? I'D RATHER DIE THAN CONTINUE TO BE WHATS A MAN WITH NO PRIDE? WHO WOULD REALLY CARE IF I DID DIE? I'VE NEVER FELT MORE ALONE IN MY LIFE LIVING EACH DAY IS A CONSTANT FIGHT HARD TO BREATH HARD TO MOVE SO WEAK I CAN’T SEE ALL THE SHAME OF WHO I'M TO BE A PRETENDER THAT ALLS ALRIGHT WITH ME
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Post by Absinthe on Nov 12, 2005 9:22:46 GMT -6
[glow=black,2,300] Oh, I like that. The emotion is definitely there and I kind of like how it was written in all CAPS. It puts an emphasis on the feeling of intensity behind it. Nice job and welcome to the boards. [/glow]
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Post by Laura on Nov 17, 2005 17:32:54 GMT -6
Yeah ... I find it hard to read things all in caps but ...
"A PRETENDER THAT ALLS ALRIGHT WITH ME"
--that alls alright doesn't make sense. It should be something like "that's all right"
"WHATS A MAN WITH NO PRIDE?"
--making a strong opinion here. I won't start my "a man" speech.
You have a good way of starting your poems. I like the first four lines.
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BRÓKÉÑ MÁÑ
Wishes To Be A Distraction
What dream will ever be achieved if you don't believe in yourself?
Posts: 11
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Post by BRÓKÉÑ MÁÑ on Nov 17, 2005 17:44:14 GMT -6
lol your man speech? I probably don't even want to know. Just to explain something though, I do not mean I am a prideful man, or ever was. We all have some degree of pride in ourselves. I am simply saying that any pride I had is gone.
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Post by Laura on Nov 17, 2005 17:49:11 GMT -6
No, I understood how you were saying you felt prideless (that's probably not a word, oh well, I'm a poet damnit, I can make up words!). I mean, I think it's, to put it plainly, sad that a man can feel that way.
And no, you don't want to know my man speech ... although, it's not bad. I got in this strange habit of defending males because this one teen site I go to (kiwibox, lame garbage) and they were always man bashing so I had to step up. People were saying the most ridiculous things ...
if you come here regularly, you'll start to realize that I tend to ramble.
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Post by Only Me on Nov 28, 2005 16:00:37 GMT -6
... ok so I understand what you are saying with the "A PRETENDER THAT ALLS RIGHT WITH ME" At first it kind of threw me off... but I get it now... its like... I pretend that all is right with me... you just have to put the ephasis on the right syllables of the right words... ok well yea... great work! and yea... the whole "man being prideful" thing... its all a bunch of bs... We all have some degree of pride in us... because what is a human without pride? its like if we have no pride in ourselves and pride in what we do then how can anyone else have any pride in us or what we do? and we all want some one to be proud of us... ok well yea.. I'm going now... great poem!
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