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Post by Only Me on May 22, 2005 20:48:34 GMT -6
I feel like soemthing is missing... but as of yet I can't figure it out... can someone offer suggestions?
Wandering, wondering, searching, needing… She walks around with her head held high Keeping the outside at bay… Knowing she holds the cards She shows them she’s not afraid No one has faith, No one holds hope… They all think she’s wrong They all wish her to fail… She jumps… Falling, flailing, twisting, turning… She breaks free at last Turns her head Sees they have left All but one Twenty feet from her target She pulls the string but to no avail Desperately screaming Calling to the one that is left Yelling, screaming, praying, crying… Falling to the ground “I am a failure” she thinks to herself Ten feet from her target A lifeline is thrown from the one who stayed Finding, grasping, clinging, climbing She finally sees the way out She had no faith in herself Depended on them for too long Lets go of the rope and falls to her death Happy at last Free from the pain.
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Post by allmeheart on May 23, 2005 21:44:10 GMT -6
the middle, detail needed in the middle about what all is going on, i think that may be it, good job though
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Post by Sharon on May 26, 2005 9:56:05 GMT -6
[glow=purple,2,300]i like how you used your puntuation, all the pauses are all in the right places, i really like this, thank you for sharing it with us.[/glow]
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BlueMoon
A Dedicated Distraction
Posts: 87
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Post by BlueMoon on Jun 9, 2005 17:05:12 GMT -6
I would have to agree with juju7days. I wasn't quite sure what was really going on.
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Post by Only Me on Jun 14, 2005 19:01:51 GMT -6
The middle is where all the actuon is taking place... a girl is being doubted by everyone around her... so instead of dealing with it she jumps off of the bridge of life... shes calling out for help wanting everyone to see her wanting someone to start believing in her... that is when she realizes that she has only one true friend... that friend helps her get past whatever obstacle she needed to get past and then she realizes that the only reason that person stayed was for themselves... they dont even believe in her... she she lets go of the friend and falls to her death...
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BlueMoon
A Dedicated Distraction
Posts: 87
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Post by BlueMoon on Jun 29, 2005 21:16:29 GMT -6
Ah, okay, now as I look it over it fits. Thanks for the clarification.
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Post by QueenPaige4 on Jul 1, 2005 18:20:38 GMT -6
Wow, very powerful. it seems to me that i can actually understand the way she was feeling. *thinks* yep I've felt like that before
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Post by Only Me on Jul 1, 2005 18:28:33 GMT -6
Maybe I should have written an intro to it... Now that I go over it it really doesnt show much... but thanks for the feedback
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Post by Samccaleb on Sept 10, 2005 22:19:03 GMT -6
I feel like I could be her and that in putting my self in her shoes, I can somehow become a better friend to those around me. Great poem L.
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Post by Only Me on Sept 18, 2005 11:11:20 GMT -6
thanks... yea, after I wrote this i shared it with "the one who stayed" and ever since her and I have become even closer and have kept each other out of situations like this.
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