Self-esteem?/It wasn't suicide/ I'm dead?

[QueenPaige4]

Self Esteem?
Lies coming through my eyes
Fear of drowning
of not being in love
Knowing I am
Sick of her
sick of me
Dying inside
Crying out
Reds burning through
through everything
My heart, my mind, my soul
Black everywhere but here in my eyes
Sitting on the edge of my bed
Holding myself
not wanting her to see the pain
inside these beautiful blue eyes
Not wanting you to feel bad
Man I'm such an idiot
F**k this
You're the only reason why I'm
alive, here, not gone, breathing
I'm non-important
non-selfcentered
non-beautiful
Oh jeez my ego is down
Its out of order
Come back never
I'll forever be like this
I won't get better
Jeez, I don't have anything correct
Someone tell me I'm beautiful
Someone save me
From myself
from her
from these razors in my hands
Why did you fall in love with me?
I'm glad you did
but do I really make you happy?
I'm just so down in the deep black hole
No, don't say goodbye
Please stay
I'm rocking back and forth
thinking I'm lucky but I know I have
no ego at the moment
Please leave a message
for I'll get back to you soon
Right now I need to be alone and quiet
Call me when times get rough
I'll call you when all this pain subsides
---------------------------------------------------------
It Wasn't Suicide
I'm not going to be the victim
She's tearing me apart
God damn it I wish she was dead
She ruins everything
but so do I
Maybe we both should die
No, just her
Open my eyes
I know there's something wrong with me
What's wrong with me?
I can't let go
No, I can't get rid of this pain
I wish she'd die
and I wish I wasn't like this
I sit and wait while the world passes by
laughing at me
Why are they laughing?
What's so funny?
I'm going to hide in shame
and I know it's not okay
I'm not okay
Nothing is ever okay
I just want to cry but I can't
So I don't
I hold it inside
Wow, she cares
Woopie, so does he
And he's the only one
that gets sad when I am
I don't mean to hurt anyone
Why am I such a screw up?
I'm the worst person I know
No, you shouldn't love me
but I'm glad you do
Now it's 3 am
I'm still up
Yes, I'm crying
and inside I'm dying
But she's still breathing
and I'm still falling
one by one
piece by piece 0
Why do I let people step all over me?
Do I look like a rug?
Why do I feel used?
Wait, why am I sitting here crying, dying,
breathing, bleeding
Wait, she's here
Silting my wrists
Laughing at me
making me die
And you aren't here to save me
Why?
Oh right, cause you wanted me to work things out
I don't blame you
I blame her
My eyes finally close
Forever, I'll be gone
She killed me
and she made it look like a suicide
My spirit is restless
I won't rest till the world knows
I was murdered by her
I wrote it all over her walls
She gets home one day
and sees that I wrote
you killed me everywhere
She screams and runs to your house
She tells you everything
You break down crying
You call the police
you tell them everything
and I disappear forever
while she's behind bars.
--------------------------------------------
I'm dead?
I know what its like to not want to cry
to die to bleed
but for some reason I have the urge to want
to cry to die to bleed
I'm just holding everything inside
trying to pretend I'm allright
I'm telling myself there's nothing wrong with me
but I know there is
I just don't want to talk about it
No, this isn't good
I just don't want to burden anyone with my problems
Oh f**k it, I don't matter
So why am I still here?
I'm telling myself over and over that I'm okay
but I'm not
and I'm lying to the girl in the mirror
Oh jeez, I'm not crying
but I need this pain gone
oh gosh, help me
F**k, I'm so not ready to go away
Hey, I'm here to stay
And you have no reason
None what so ever to be sad
You have everything you want
and I have everything I want
but things are falling apart
Oh look, I'm on the ground crying
I don't want attention
Stop giving me it
Ah, go away
I want to be alone
Stop, no more kisses or hugs
just leave me alone
No, I don't want help
I just want to go
go home, go anywhere but here
No Emily, leave me alone
Chris, stay here
No wait, go
No don't, please stay
Oh just shut up Paige
You're confusing yourself and the one you love
Yes, I like talking to myself
No, I'm not going to stop
Stop crying
stop screaming
stop everything
Oh look, she doesn't care
Well f**k you too
Oops I didn't mean
Wait, yes I did
Oh shit, where did this blood come from?
Oh right my wrist
Hm...interesting
No, I'm not going to stop
stabbing myself in the stomach
in front of everyone
Yes, Emily you are a stupid b***h
Look I'm dead
Oh no, What to do now
Emily, f**k you
Die b***h die
Ha ha, I'm not dead
but you are
Ha ha, you're dead
F**kers
----------------------------

I wanted to put all these poems in one forum because it would take less time and less space. please comment. much appreciated much love

Paige

[BlueMoon]

These are very strong poems. They kind of set a depressing mood.

[QueenPaige4]

bluemoon said:

These are very strong poems. They kind of set a depressing mood.

I was depressed and angry when I wrote them. But thank you for your comment much appreciated

[BlueMoon]

I know how that goes. I write especially when I'm angry and depressed. Fortunately I haven't been that way since I've gotten rid of some of the sources of those.

[Only Me]

wow! I can tell that you feel really strongly! I could realy feel the anger in each of these...

[allmeheart]

some of each of those poems describe my past and/or present feelings, but when in the poems it doesnt exactly work for me, and i can tell u were mad when u wrote these, but i did like them, very much so

[Absinthe]

"[glow=red,2,300]I know what its like to not want to cry
to die to bleed
but for some reason I have the urge to want
to cry to die to bleed
I'm just holding everything inside
trying to pretend I'm allright"[/glow]

I know exactly how that feels, trust me. Its hard....and it sucks, but it should pass.......eventually.

These were some great poems....they were true, they were pure, they were raw emotion. I like that. Nice job.

[QueenPaige4]

Thank you all. I appreciate everything from you guys. You guys rock.

[Laura]

"my ego is down
Its out of order"

--I really liked this. I haven't gotten a chance to read the other two but I will when I come back on this site. Angriness is a love of mine.

[QueenPaige4]

Thank you very much. I love that line also.