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Post by thecrazybeautiful on Apr 19, 2006 16:30:52 GMT -6
I've changed the ending of this from what it first was. I really don't know how I was convinced to change it. It's not even too great.
Hide & Seek
He covered his eyes with sticky hands - counted to 25 - it wasn't enough but I found a place to hide. A lifetime later I was found humming - lying on the ground ..elbows on the grass ..chin on my hands ..eyes closed - He didn't expect it to be this way.
Said he missed me for so long - so long - but never came to look for me
He made a grave for me brought me there and let me filter through the ground. I pulled out bones of birds he thought I had wings wings that I could - fly away - with.
And maybe I did I never looked to make sure but (he) could have
Could have searched the world over, found me, and said "It's my turn to hide."
I'll find him under a headstone.
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Post by Laura on Apr 19, 2006 18:32:39 GMT -6
I read this far:
"He covered his eyes with sticky hands - counted to 25 - it wasn't enough but I found a place to hide. A lifetime later I was found humming"
--stopped and went "wha-wha-what??" and reread it and go "holy shit". This is sheer brilliance. It is nothing short of amazing. You have such an immense talent and at your age! AHHHHH!
"I pulled out bones of birds he thought I had wings wings that I could - fly away - with."
--and this was so beautiful. The part about the bird bones reminds me a bit of the story I will enter for the short story competition ... if there is any competition, I think one person has entered so far. Ah well, off topic. You're great and I just know someday you'll be in the books.
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