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I am
Apr 12, 2006 17:37:30 GMT -6
Post by QueenPaige4 on Apr 12, 2006 17:37:30 GMT -6
Note: I am just writing this right now just let me know what you think.
The sun So high and bright So strong and hot The person in my skin So weak and low So cold and distant Far away He was Far away But I'm here to stay Finally found a way To get by these days Lost and hopeless Happy and sad Mad but glad all at the same time Feelings lost Identity found All in one day But no sound Came from the sky That day she walked away Lesbian or Straight Does it matter? I like girls more than guys but it doesn't matter Wanting to just find myself But I already know who I am I'm the girl in the corner The one in the dark The one who is experimenting The one who has to have a problem To just get by Because she's so use to having problems That it just feels weird not having them This is not a song nor a poem Just a bunch of words In one long verse Stanza or paragraph It's like a diary Waiting to be discovered Just like me and my sexuality I'm a poet, reader, student and a high achiever I'm a thinker, a cancer a heart breaker but that's not all I'm Paige Marie Wilcox And that's final.
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I am
Apr 14, 2006 7:32:30 GMT -6
Post by thecrazybeautiful on Apr 14, 2006 7:32:30 GMT -6
"The sun So high and bright So strong and hot"
I love the sun.
I think some of the rhyming took away from it a little. Some was good, and other part didn't bring the same... goodness.
I get the point though, that you're sending through.
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I am
Apr 14, 2006 8:01:33 GMT -6
Post by Laura on Apr 14, 2006 8:01:33 GMT -6
Identity can be such a hard thing to write about. Many of us think we know who we are but we are far from the truth. Who knows the truth? Do we or should we? Will it take away from the mysteries of life if we know too much about ourselves? Should someone else be the one to let us discover things we never knew?
Anyways,
"Does it matter? I like girls more than guys but it doesn't matter"
--there could be a strong message but it wasn't delivered the way it should have been. The messages we try to make are never bold if we do not include some true force behind it. A statement is just words out of a mouth if we don't stand up strongly for it.
"Because she's so use to having problems That it just feels weird not having them"
--with some revising and a clear mind, you could really make this into a fingerprint of a poem. However, it seems a little young minded to me right now, which is okay since you are still young. Like I said earlier, it's difficult to put you in perspective ... if that makes sense. I'm probably rambling.
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I am
Apr 14, 2006 9:40:05 GMT -6
Post by QueenPaige4 on Apr 14, 2006 9:40:05 GMT -6
yes it makes sense laura and i am young i am just a teenager i didn't really like this piece but it came from my mind i'll revise it in a month or two and then repost it
ill probably call it something else too..thanks for the feed back though i understand what you both are getting at
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