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Post by tragicxwhore on Apr 2, 2006 15:59:40 GMT -6
Pajama Pants And DVDs Logo Hoodies Mixed CDs Popcorn, Candy Slippers, Glitter Little girls, No baby-sitter Cologne and Cigarettes Join the mess Wanting mommy Less and Less weed and vodka plenty more look at mommys little sleeper
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Post by Laura on Apr 2, 2006 17:54:30 GMT -6
I didn't like how the ending didn't keep the rhyme pattern ... it kind of made me go "what?" ... but it's okay. I get the idea, it's kind of young teenage like bordering the rebel ... I'm unsure of how to describe it. Look forward to more.
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Post by thecrazybeautiful on Apr 2, 2006 18:00:10 GMT -6
I wrote something like this once, about my 7th grade school year... It was silly, but fun to write.
But like Laura said, the ending kinda threw it off... Yeah.
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stupidxgirl
A Devoted Distraction
So You Sailed Away...
Posts: 229
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Post by stupidxgirl on Apr 2, 2006 18:56:34 GMT -6
I hate to be a broken record, but the ending was all messed about. It had an interesting rhyme to it that I actually liked. Normally I don't like ryhme because I find it somehow cheapens the poem. But this was nice. I wish it had more to it, it was certainly lacking something. But nice job none the less. Keep posting doll
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grifter
A Devoted Distraction
Posts: 135
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Post by grifter on Apr 2, 2006 19:23:40 GMT -6
i liked the ending, how it just stopped, i also see the word that's there, underneath sleeper, it's the second half of your name after tragic.....rhymes with more, overall it sounds like a cheer
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Post by Laura on Apr 2, 2006 20:10:08 GMT -6
^oh I see, wh*re possibly? That would make much more sense.
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Post by thecrazybeautiful on Apr 3, 2006 15:30:55 GMT -6
Ooh, I get it now.
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Post by QueenPaige4 on Apr 4, 2006 15:04:34 GMT -6
that was well written it also reminded me of a cheer
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