grifter
A Devoted Distraction
Posts: 135
|
Post by grifter on Apr 1, 2006 2:18:29 GMT -6
i have walked with you watching
i have walked with you watching
quivering lilies quietly conjugate
the 9’s & 10’s of you
arguing wind-with-roses
against your densefrostyfeathers
fleeting in free~~foamy~~purples
and::::::carbonated::::::charcoals
was the flutter of feeling
stealing (kneeling) verbs
pallid in the pale pastel
of your creamy~~crimson~~kisses
|
|
|
|
Post by Laura on Apr 1, 2006 7:07:42 GMT -6
Is it okay if I be honest with you and tell you I'm mad because I can't write this well? Haha. I love how you write, just how you manage to make things slide into each other like it's first nature to you. I'm not sure what is up with all the symbols "~" or ":" but oh well. I liked the effective use of bolding and underlines. This was my favourite part: " arguing wind-with-roses
against your densefrostyfeathers
fleeting in free~~foamy~~purples
and::::::carbonated::::::charcoals" --it has my two favourite qualities in you as a writer - the "meshing" as I call it and alliteration. Please never stop posting here  |
|
|
|
Post by thecrazybeautiful on Apr 1, 2006 10:24:45 GMT -6
"quivering lilies quietly conjugate
the 9’s & 10’s of you"
Interesting. Wow.
I love the alliteration in this piece.
This is WOW.
|
|
grifter
A Devoted Distraction
Posts: 135
|
Post by grifter on Apr 1, 2006 10:47:48 GMT -6
laura, you're not allowed to be mad   wait is it, the i want to punch in face mad  , or i want to tickle you till you wet your pants mad  this was just late night rambling, when it's three in the morning, sometimes the words choose themsleves, the ~~are just because of the words, foamy and creamy, the :::kindof reminded me of the bubbles in carbonated drinks, yeah it was late lastnight, i italicized quivering lilies, and feeling, because i thought it made them look, quivering and fluttering, respectively... ps there is little true alliteration, creamy crimson, would probably be the only instance, with alliteration, the words have to have similar sounds, in the first couple of letters, so frosty feathers fleeting in free foaming, frosty free, there is some more alliteration, i guess there was more than i thought, sorry i only slept about 4 hrs last night.... |
|
|
|
Post by Laura on Apr 1, 2006 10:59:01 GMT -6
I see ... interesting heh |
|
stupidxgirl
A Devoted Distraction
So You Sailed Away...
Posts: 229
|
Post by stupidxgirl on Apr 1, 2006 14:13:31 GMT -6
You're writing is truly amazing, and like Laura I am oddly mad at the fact that I could never capture this LoL...Awesome job! |
|
|
|
Post by Only Me on Jul 5, 2006 0:16:29 GMT -6
i like how just the right words are emphasized. nice work.
|
|
